Mindful Bride

Today is...

2009-06-07T13:09:00.002-04:00

the day. the big day. the wedding day. the day that we've been planning for more than a year, that i've been blogging about for days and weeks and months. the day i've been anticipating is finally here. i feel good. i feel great. excited. a bit nervous. but mostly excited. this morning, after sleeping at my parents' house, i woke up early and practiced yoga for about 40 minutes with my friend hannah. the day is beautiful, and the sun crept in through the windows as we centered ourselves in downward dogs and found balance in our tree poses. after yoga and a bit of breakfast, i hopped in the shower and drove off with my mother to elizabeth arden, where my hair was styled and make up brushed on. i just finished lunch and wanted a moment to blog, to be mindful of the day, to remember how i felt, what i did, the day i got married. everyone has been telling me the wedding day goes so fast, that you turn around and you're married. so i take a moment now to cherish the day, and promise to absorb every minute (or most minutes anyways). promise to relax, not worry about any detail, and embrace the day that i have been waiting for.

Climbing Mount Fuiji

2009-05-15T10:11:00.002-04:00

When I was in Japan, toward the end of my time there, I climbed Mt. Fuiji. I hesitated about the hike, worried that it would be too challenging for an unexperienced climber such as myself. And I had heard from many people that Mt. Fuiji was best seen from afar, not close up. And indeed, catching glimpses of this distant, magical mountain from my kitchen window was breathtaking. But the trek up...I wasn't so sure! Nevertheless, I decided to climb it. I was nervous, and not sure how to prepare. I ended up completely overpacking, stuffing everything from shorts to snow pants into my large climbing pack that was meant for adventures that lasted much longer than the one-day and one-night hike up and down the mountain. The overpacking did me more harm than good, as I had to lug it up and down the climb. The hike was hard. But memorable. I remember, in the dead dark of night, facing a particularly steep section with two friends. We each had a flashlight (mine was a headlight, so I had my hands free although I looked a little stupid in the pictures), and literally took the section step by step. Both of my friends weren't American, but had seen Gone With the Wind and were asking me for a Civil War history lesson. I did my best to remember the Gettysburg Address and Reconstruction and so on. Sure enough, we got to the top, and then trekked back down again. It was hard, but it was an amazing, amazing journey.

Craziness

2009-05-11T22:04:00.002-04:00

Today, when I was telling a coworker about my upcoming wedding, she said I was so calm considering its immediate proximity. I took it as a compliment, but didn't really believe her. The wedding, I feel, has consumed me. It has taken me whole, swirled me up in the air. I feel like a piece of melted taffy, bending to the whims and desires of this friendly beast. But it's ok, I think, because I look calm on the outside! And until now, I have been (relatively) crazy-free, at least in respect to the wedding. Now, I dream wedding, I eat wedding for breakfast, I think wedding even when I am trying to do pleasure reading, I talk wedding to friends, family, strangers, storekeepers, colleagues...anyone who will lend half an ear. I write wedding in my blog. It has usurped me. Days go by, inching up to the big day. I don't have a calendar where you rip a page off every day, but that's how I feel. I haven't quite calculated how many days it is to W-day, but each morning I wake up and think, "I am one day closer."

What's Left?

2009-05-06T11:05:00.003-04:00

That's the new question. Several people have been asking now, "Well, all the planning must be done, right?" I laughed at first--how can everything be done? It doesn't seem like everything will be done until, well, the wedding is over. Sure, I'm not planning on finalizing the seating chart on menu options right before I head down the aisle, but it's hard to imagine the wedding being done before it even starts. But then I think again. A lot has been planned, mapped out, even executed. The place has been reserved, the flower arrangements decided, the food selected, the music vendor picked (although we need to figure out what they'll play), the invitations sent, the DC marriage license secured. Dan has a new suit, I have a new dress, and we both have new bands. Sometimes, when I stop to think about what has happened in the year since we became engaged, my heads spins with unbelievability. So, when people say "It's almost all done right?" I guess it is, when you take a moment to look back. But when I look forward, I think "No, we still have a wedding to go to!"

I'm back

2009-05-04T23:11:00.002-04:00

So, I've been a neglectful blogger. Between a new job, a wedding weeks away, it's been hard to find a minute to relax. And when I do, sometimes I want to retreat far away from the wedding thought process. Plus, I put In Treatment on my Blockbuster access queue, and now I am hooked! I've been so neglectful, that I couldn't even remember what the last topic was that I blogged about. But when I logged in this time, and saw that it was "Who's Coming?", I thought "that's perfect." Because between then and now, I have a much better answer. There are have been some surprises either way--some conflicts we didn't know about stopping a few from attending. But there also have been people, who live far away and though we hoped, we didn't think would come. Perhaps the biggest case is my Japanese co-workers, from my days abroad teaching English. Just over the weekend, we learned that in fact one teacher was making the long trip across the Pacific to watch us get married. Today, I found out that another teacher would also be in attendance. I can't tell you how honored I feel that people would travel so far, to a different country 10,000 miles away, to come to our wedding. Truly, truly honored. And as I finish off this e-mail and head to bed, I wonder if there is another reason why my blog posts have been more infrequent than in days past: it's becoming harder and harder to find the right words to describe my feelings. But, as a writer by day and night, I'll try to find the best way to articulate the prewedding intensity!

Who is Coming?

2009-04-26T22:22:00.002-04:00

That is the question I ask myself everyday--and my parents, as I continue to call them with this very question on my way home to the metro from work. Who has written their response, sealed the envelop and dropped it in the mail, to arrive at my parents' house a day or three later (depending, of course, on geographic proximity to Washington). At first, the responses were pouring in. One day, we even had nine, which my parents brought to me (it happened to also be the first day of Passover, so they were here for our sedar) and I eagerly ripped open, excited to see who could come, or who had to decline. But after the early flood, the responses have been slower. A few days, there haven't been any. Ususally, though, it's one or two, sometimes more. We're in the mushy middle of the May 5 response deadline, I fear. Cinco de mayo isn't exactly around the corner (everything is relative at this point. At the near end of the wedding planning, there is a ton to accomplish between today and tomorrow), so within the few days, even week, I imagine the slow steady trickle to continue. Then, as with any deadline--for work, school, or play--the pace will pick up, the number of envelopes pushed through my parents' door will skyrocket. And the answers, the yeses and the nos, will be known.

Say Cheese

2009-04-23T14:53:00.003-04:00

Last Saturday, on a quintessentially perfect Washington spring day, Dan and I got some engagement photographs taken. As part of the photographer's package, we had a "casual shoot" at the National Arboretum. With the sun shining high in the clear sky and the air filled with the smell of purple lilac, we tried to act natural as the photographer skillfully captured us walking, talking, laughing and kissing (she told us to!!). It felt a little awkward at first to be the focus of the photographer's lens, but slowly we got used to it. Like I said, the stunning environs helped put us at ease. The pictures came out great. And it got me thinking, how cameras can just hold a moment so well, long after the day has passed. I think that's partly why people invest so much in wedding photography, the pictures last a lot longer than the eight hours a wedding does. And so, I've gotten more of an appreciation for photos, and their ability to keep things alive. Last night, my friend Andrea was telling me about her own burgeoning photography and flickr site, making me want to buy my own nice camera and capture everything.

Breathing Lessons

2009-04-17T23:00:00.004-04:00

As wedding energy pumps up, I take a minute to slow down. Things, I feel, are going at a whirlwind pace. Everyday, I wonder who else has RSVPed, everyday the to-do list gets updated, with items checked off and new tasks to tackle. It's tough to stay calm. I feel the wedding that was once more than a year away growing closer and closer. I don't feel behind, or disorganized, or worried. These final days are just a ton of balls in the air, though. The devil is in the details, and boy are there a lot of devils. But you know what else is coming more into focus: the rest of my life! My life past the wedding, with its catered food and music and dancing and family and friends. Just this week, I was looking at the calendar for the rest of the year (trying to figure out vacation days for the honeymoon), and Dan and I were talking about a September trip to Chicago for a friend's wedding and the High Holidays. It's a comforting feeling, knowing that there really is life after wedding, because with all the planning and focus on that big day, sometimes I lose track of that fact. And so, as the day draws nearer, I am trying to remember to breathe deeply, enjoy the final days of planning, and look forward to the big event and the many other big events thereafter.

Mindful Twittering

2009-04-15T17:31:00.004-04:00

As time trickles down toward the wedding (less than two months to go...I can't believe it), I thought I might need something in addition to the blog to update my readers on the latest nuptial news. Time is more limited now, and things are happening faster. In fact, just today, my mindful groom ordered our wedding bands (as in the rings, not the music) and dropped off information necessary for our marriage certificate. The details have sprung into action--no longer is it "find a venue for the reception" but "start doing seat assignments." We've hired a caterer, but now we need to decide between yakitori or citrus marinated salmon fillets. For cupcakes--vanilla or chocolate? Mango or raspberry sorbet? Traditional or modern ketubah? The planning stage is more intense, more fast-paced, but I am trying to remember to relax, to have fun with the details, and to twitter about them. So check me out on my new twitter site: www.twitter.com/mindfulbride. But don't worry, I'm still a mindful blogger, too!

Who's Coming?

2009-04-14T23:27:00.002-04:00

Now, the exciting part begins: getting the RVSP notes. We had the responses sent to my parents' house, so almost every day I call them, begging them to tell me 1) how many of the off-white, self-addressed envelopes returned to them 2) what the letters inside said. And so, one or the other of them finds the mail, sorts out the response cards, and reads each message out loud to me. More often than not, Dan is in the background, and I convey my parents' message to him. I purposely left the response card blank--a tip I learned from a bridal magazine--to encourage creative responses from our guests. So far, their poignant witticisms haven't disappointed me. What did disappoint me was yesterday, when none of the responses came in the mail. I actually felt sad, and both Dan and my dad told me, "That's it. There are no more guests coming." Fortunately, that's not true, because four more "yeses" arrived in the mail today. I spoke to my mother at 8pm to get the latest update. And, as I prepare for sleep, I only wonder what I'll learn tomorrow.

Meaning in Matzah

2009-04-09T11:03:00.002-04:00

2009 is just full of firsts: last night, Dan and I hosted an inaugural sedar. A small sedar, but a sedar nonetheless, complete with horse radish, haroset (the delicious apple and nut concoction), matzah, and all the other traditional Passover delicacies. We passed over the standard brisket in favor of chile-rubbed salmon fillet topped with an avocado pineapple salsa. My parents came over, bringing the ever popular matzah ball soup, some wine, and chocolates for dessert. It was a small, cozy sedar honoring the importance of freedom and liberation, and as we read the prayer book, one line stayed with me. "Every generation must find freedom for itself." I am sure this line can be interpreted several ways, but on the eve of my wedding (I'm speaking figuratively here...it's not literally tomorrow), I was thinking that every person must carve his or her own path as they grow up. They should have the freedom to choose their job, their home, their hobbies, their friends, and their life partners. The choices aren't always easy, and like the leavened bread we forego for eight days, they come with certain sacrifices. But in the end, these choices help define who were are.

Please RSVP By...

2009-04-08T13:19:00.002-04:00

The invitations arrived. A square shaped piece of paper, with Elissa and Daniel written in big silvery gray cursive letters at the top. (A whimsical, slightly less formal cursive). The text below is in the same font and color, only smaller. The whole invitation is framed with a one-eighth inch of the same silvery gray hue. If you turn the invitation to its back side, it is a solid silver gray. I think they came out beautifully, if I do say so myself. Last week Dan and I spent the evenings stuffing the invites, placing the invitations ever so delicately inside the silver-lined envelope. In another process, we stuffed directions, parking information, and a response card inside the response envelop, which we then added to the larger invitation envelope. Then came stamp time. Rather than affix an ugly $1.00 stamp to each envelope, I splurged for two, much nice $.42 and $.59 stamps (price $1.01). Then, with everything glued, stuffed, inserted, Dan dropped them off, where they'll travel all across the world.

Surprise!

2009-04-01T22:25:00.002-04:00

This morning I woke up, and thinking of my long wedding to-do list, I nudged Dan out of sleep. "Dan" I said. "You know what we should do?" "What" he replied sleepily. "We should just get married TODAY!" "What?" he repeated. I went on to recite the nuptial-related errands, everything from mailing out invitations to finalizing the menu to picking out the wedding-day attire. "I am not saying we shouldn't have THAT wedding, but wouldn't it be so nice just to already be married, so when June 7th comes around, we can relax, knowing that we are already hitched," I explained, excited growing in my voice. We could get married today. We could go to sleep tonight husband and wife. Dan sat up in bed, thinking for a second. "It's an intriguing plan," he said. "Do you think the rabbi could come on such short notice?" I hesitated. Like most rabbis, ours is over-extended and always busy. Getting him to come with no advance warning was more or less impossible. But sure enough, he had a cancelled appointment, and was able to squeeze our ceremony in. Keeping with tradition, I wore a white skirt and matching top; Dan put on his favorite black corduroy blazer with the suede elbow patches, a crisp white shirt, and dark gray slacks. The event happened so quickly, in such a blur, that I really can't remember much else. Except the date: April 1st!!!

A New Pet?

2009-03-25T13:12:00.003-04:00

On my way to work this morning, I abruptly stopped in front of the newspaper stand. A picture on the front page of the paper had begged my attention. It was a baby leopard, born at the national zoo. Unbelievably adorable, this precious ball of orange and black fur pulled at my heart strings like only newborn animals can do (I was overwhelmed with emotion when I saw pictures of little Tai Shan, the panda born three years ago). Early yesterday, two leopard cubs were found alive--the first time in 16 years!

Chocolate Mojitos

2009-03-24T11:07:00.003-04:00

After the shower, I collapsed on my apartment couch for a blissful 30 minutes. I awoke and rushed to a clock to check the time. It was 7:10! Dinner started at 8pm, and I had was supposed to arrive at Dan's sisters' hotel room at 7:15 for a make-up touch up. I quickly changed into my bachelorette party attire--a simple, short black dress and tall black boots, adorned with green dangling earrings and a green shawl. I made it to the hotel by 7:30, and with no time for make-up, Dan's sisters, cousin and I hopped in a cab to the restaurant, Coco Salas. Chocolate mojitos are their signature drink, and I had one in hand quite soon after I arrived. It was delicious. The green mint flakes fluttered in the drink, which was topped with dark chocolate shavings. I was given a pink feather boa, a tiara that said "Bride to Be," a garter, and some other bachelorette items, and soon the food came out, one dish at a time.

The scrumptious mac and cheese tart, the portebella mushroom pizza, and my favorite--the goat cheese and beet salad--were all quickly devoured, along with the mojitos. Sixteen of us girls were out on the town, and the group of us sipped and ate, laughed and talked, (some) took shots, caught up with old friends, and just celebrated a night out! Occasionally, a stranger would come up to me and offer his or her congratulations. I would look puzzled for a moment, and then remember between my boa and tiara, the fact I was on my way to marriage was all too clear!

Minutes Become Moments

2009-03-23T09:14:00.002-04:00

I felt a burst of excitement as my parents' house filled with family and friends from every stage of my life. On the eve of spring, I admired people's light pink skirts and royal blue dresses. The kitchen was filled with bite-sized goat cheese, chive, and cucumber sandwiches; cranberry scones topped with blackberry jam; and creamy mini cheesecakes drizzled with chocolate sauce. After chit chat and nibbling, my shower guests formed a circle formed to watch me unwrap my shower presents. My grandmother was to my right, handing me a knife to open the more unruly boxes and a glass of water to keep me hydrated. My future niece Ashley sat on the floor, almost as excited as I was for each gift. She diligently made sure every piece of wrapping paper went into a white trash bag, while her cousin, two-year old Yael absorbed the whole shower experience with wide-eyed curiosity. My shower was on Saturday, smack in the middle of a fun-filled bachelorette weekend. Yesterday afternoon, as most of the out-of-town relatives and friends had flown home, I sat in a pedicure chair, relaxing as my feet got pampered. I read an article on mindfulness, and the piece begged people to make minutes into moments. To be aware of everything around you at a given point, to relish and savor that time. The shower was most definitely a moment.

Hello, Again

2009-03-20T08:24:00.003-04:00

Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I posted on mindful bride. I missed it. I was busy, well, wedding planning! And finishing up some work assignments. But rather than go into any of that right now, I wanted to discuss a meditation workshop I attended last weekend. It was a four-hour affair, complete with several guided sitting meditations, some walking and slow movement meditations, and finally, the most relaxing thing ever--laying down meditation. The course was challenging, especially the sitting ones. I felt my legs grow numb from the lack of circulation, my mind wandering off to all sorts of other topics, and my shut eyes begging to open up and take in the whole world around them. Meditation isn't easy. We had a 15-minute break before the second half of the workshop, and once we returned we entered the laying down meditation. Laying down has its own challenges--namely, not falling asleep--but I found it the most peaceful experience. Closing my eyes, relaxing my body, I didn't think about work, or wedding, or anything else. I just lay. I don't know how long I was there, but when I reentered reality, I felt so calm. I took note of that feeling, and remember it when the world around me gets stressful.

Four Lists Become One**

2009-03-10T11:06:00.004-04:00

This weekend, we put our finishing touches on our guest list. Dan and I are on the edge of the millennial generation, a generation not known for snail mail correspondence or staying in one place for too long. So tracking down addresses was difficult. And as people who grew up with spell check--a tool with miminal functionality for editing a list of names and cities--we had to carefully review all the facts with our naked eye. But we persevered and created a beautiful Microsoft Excel document with all our invitees listed alphabetically. Looking through it was pretty amazing: family I've known my whole life, friends from childhood and ones I've met more recently, my parents' friends who I grew up with, family and friends of Dan's that I've gotten to know so well over the last four plus years, and then a few people I haven't met yet but heard lots of stories about--like Dan's uncle in South Africa and his father's racket ball partner. And so, with the "i"s literally dotted and "t"s crossed, we are sending the list to the invitation vendor, who will somewhat magically return them, sealed and addressed, back to us for mailing.
**title created by mother of the bride

The Dress Has Arrived

2009-03-05T09:32:00.003-05:00

As it often is, my cell phone was packed away in my purse yesterday so I didn't hear its vibrations. But as I was walking home from work, I saw the missed call. An unidentified Northern Virginia number. Hmmm, who could that be? Then, in an instant, I realized: It was about the dress! It had arrived at Tysons Corner, a suburban shopping center.And sure enough, when I listened to the voicemail, my instincts were right on. It was in! Excitement rushed through my body. Yay! Now, here comes the fittings and adjustments and tying up the loose ends, literally. I am still deciding exactly how to wear my hair and style my make-up, but instead of worrying about it, I am excited for my wedding look. I'm consulting friends, magazines, and my devoted hair stylist. Sure, I know it's a little silly to think about my appearance so much for just one day, but it's really one of the few times I feel comfortable letting myself slightly obsess.

In Like A Lion

2009-03-03T16:05:00.002-05:00

So March is my birthday month BUT it's kinda awful right now. My 25-minute trek to work was, well, miserable. The biting winds, the patches of ice---no, no, no! Shouldn't spring be on its way already? Shouldn't the buds be sprouting up on the naked trees? I know I said last time that snow had a calming effect--clearly I didn't know what I was talking about. A calming situation would be me on a beach with a pina colada in hand. In warm weather! But what can you do, except drink hot tea, wear warm clothes, and complain a bit on your blog. And constantly reapply the hand lotion, because as soon as I apply, the skin absorbs the moisturizer like quicksand and begs for more. But then, as I write and vent, I remember that if March is in like a lion, surely it's out like a lamb, as the elementary school saying goes. And I say that not only as a prayer for good weather on my wedding day, but as a reminder that even if the going is rough at times, sooner or later the wind stops blowing, the trees have rich green leaves, and the sun shines brightly on a 70 degree day. And my fruity cocktail is waiting for me.

Snowfall

2009-03-02T08:32:00.002-05:00

The weather forecasters said it would happen, but I didn't believe them. Last night was mere flurries, more ice than snow itself. But nothing was accumulating on the streets. When the flakes fell on the pavement, they simply vanished. Something changed overnight, because when I woke up and peered out the window, the streets and cars outside were blanketed in soft white snow. Flakes were (are) still falling from the sky. Again, I think about how snow follows me. Yesterday was my birthday, and just as with my birth and Bat Mitzvah, I was greeted with snow. Last night I was annoyed with the snow, frustrated that it would make all the errands I have to do today more difficult. But as I was going to sleep, I closed my eyes and saw snowfall. The flakes dropping diagonally with the wind had a soothing effect on me, as I drifted into sleep another year older. I was content with the falling of the snow, happy it was falling now and not in three months.

Croatia and Paris, Here We Come!

2009-02-25T15:37:00.002-05:00

The tickets are in our hands (proverbially speaking of course...they really exist as electronic documents in Dan's email inbox). Our honeymoon travel plans are set! Dan, with his undying patience, navigated through muddy waters and difficult customer service agents to use frequent flier miles to buy our plane tickets. And so, we are off. Well, in a few months we'll be off. We both love traveling, and with the tickets in our possesion (again proverbially), excitement is bubbling up inside. A vacation! A chance to visit a new country, lay on the beaches, walk in the national parks, wonder through the cities, and, for at least part of the time, do nothing and have no cares in the world. And, as an added bonus, our flight has a day layover in Paris on the front end. We've both been to Paris--the last time for me was in 2004, where I strolled in the art musems, ate hazelnut crapes on a sideway cafe, and bought a fabulous, fuchsia colored, watering can shaped purse (I now have two). Paris is dubbed the most romantic city in the world, and while I am not to usually one to fall for cliches, the idea of stepping foot in it as a newlywed is truly enchanting (Although I haven't forgotten the other cliche that rang true about Paris when I was there--people are rude!). Regardless, we are going!!

Perfection's Overrated!

2009-02-23T12:10:00.002-05:00

When I was younger and learning to needlepoint on a small netted canvas with a pattern of a flower, I was judicious about making sure my yellow stitches matched up with the yellow petal painted on the fabric. If my yellow yarn ventured outside of the petal's lines, I quickly undid the stitch. My grandmother, who was teaching me, encouraged me not to worry if I didn't follow the pattern exactly. Any mistakes I made, she said, would make my needlepoint truly my own. I think about that story often as we plan our wedding. A perfect wedding is depicted in the movies and in the wedding magazines. But with so many details juggling in the air, perfection seems unattainable. And honestly, mistakes can be underrated. Like the mistaken stitches on the needlepoint, little problems can make a special day unique. At my Bat Mitzvah, Washington, D.C. was hit with a massive snow storm. Whiteness covered the city for a week. Flights were cancelled. Roads were impassible. Guests were unable to attend. Chairs sat empty. The band couldn't play, so we brought in a boom box (I think that's what they were called then) and my 17-year old friend with good taste in music filled in as DJ. In some ways, it would have been better without the snow, with the band and missing guests. But it's more memorable, more unique this way.

25 Things

2009-02-18T16:26:00.005-05:00

So, as anyone who has been on Facebook in the last week or so can attest, the "25 random things" lists are running wild, where people scribble down the most interesting, unique, factoids about themselves. The trend is so intense that an article in the Washington Post came out, dismissing this nonsense and calling it a self-absorbed activity. In protest, I ask "What's wrong with a little self-focus every once in a while?" So I've been thinking about my list, and decided that instead of Facebook, I'd post it here (items are in no particular order):

1. I love blogging (obvi). The combination of writing about something that's interesting to me, using electronic technologies, and getting informal feedback on my entries is exhilarating

2. If I had to choose between blistering summer humidity and freezing winter weather, the heat would win every time

3. I spent two years in Japan, sampling all sorts of culinary dishes and now have an undying love for most Asian foods

4. I love words, letters, sentences. I always underestimate the power of the written word.

5. I love packing up my bags and heading out on a foreign adventure. I wish I could travel more

6. Yoga keeps me sane and balanced. My time away because of an injury was incredibly frustrating

7. Humor is my defense mechanism. I joke when I am nervous and upset.

8. I hate confrontation, but usually whenever I have one, it's much better than it seems

9. I am starting to take up biking. Now all I need is a bike.

10. I can be awkward at times (and then make awkward jokes, per #7)

11. My favorite minor splurge is a pedicure where I can sit in a massage chair and let all the cares in the world disappear. I love it! Plus, you can choose bolder nail polish colors for your feet than your hands.

12. I hate olives, but love olive oil.

13. I am marrying someone who does not appreciate fine cheeses. The fact that I was able to accept this *flaw* must mean it's true love

14. I was worried about planning our wedding, but actually I've enjoyed the process a lot more than I thought I would. The details have not consumed me, and my creative juices are flowing.

15. There is no vegetable I don't like. Try me.

16. I love inside jokes, and then trying to explain them to an "outsider" and they look at me like I am crazy. My brother and I have this tonsilitis joke that I have tried to explain Dan so many times and he still doesn't get it!

17. I am extremely emotional.

18. My favorite flower is a bright yellow sunflower. I am convinced sunflowers have an instant "cheer up" quality

19. I have a very hearty laugh, which I love to use. I have been known to fall down to the floor laughing (ask anyone who was at the 2005 pubs dinner in Orlando).

20. Mangoes are my favorite fruit, although I hate when they are underripe. A juicy mango is a real treasure.

21. Yogurt is my favorite food as a whole. I have probably have one a day.

22. I can stroll in bookstores for hours, remembering the good books I've read and getting ideas for future reading endeavors

23. Same with sitting at coffeeshops. I can sit, sip a warm drink, and read a book or the newspaper, play bananagrams, or just talk with a good friend

24. I have an abundance of cardigans. Off the top of my head, I have three gray, two black, two cream, one green...the list could go on

25. Honestly, this was a lot harder than I thought. It took me several days to think about all the random things about myself. Am I not that random?

Thoughts on Valentines

2009-02-18T10:16:00.002-05:00

So, I know, I'm a little late. I'm four days behind in writing about the romantic holiday known as Valentines' Day. I was apart from Dan, who is still in South Africa, and traveled to Richmond to spend time with my friend Eileen and her husband (yes, I intruded on their V-day. It was great! They insisted they didn't mind, and I believe them). Until recently, I never liked the holiday. I think because I remember never having a Valentine during most of my awkward teenage years. So even when Dan and I started dating--and I knew I'd have a Valentine--I half-heartedly embraced the holiday. I bought him a card, he gave me flowers, and we'd usually spend the night at the gym or a yoga studio. But recently, I've begun to appreciate the holiday a bit more. Perhaps my adolescent bitterness has mellowed like a fine wine. I like watching men on the metro on February 14th, holding a bouquet of multi-colored flowers in their hands. I like strolling in stationery stores, reading the funny and sentimental cards as I chose which one to buy. The holiday, in aggregate, I enjoy. Watching people take a little time to recognize those important in their lives.

Home Alone

2009-02-11T10:44:00.003-05:00

As I mentioned in my last post, Dan is away for working in South Africa. Suddenly our cozy, slightly crowded apartment seems quiet and unnaturally spacious. There is no sounds of sports television shows reporting on the latest scores or scandals, and no need to put four pieces of bread in the toaster each morning: two will suffice now. I haven't lived alone since my Japan days, where I had a one-bedroom inches away from the heart of downtown smalltown. I liked living alone then. I could get up in the morning, do some yoga or stretches, eat a bowl of imported cereal while catching up on the online version of the Washington Post. After work, I could relax, make dinner for myself, watch DVDs on my computer or cuddle up with a good book. Friends were in my apartment complex, so there was usually someone to talk to. But it did get lonely at times. Being abroad itself was isolating at times, and not having someone to share your day and your meals with was sometimes hard. Living alone in DC is of course not as hard--friends to talk to, work constantly keeping me busy, dinners a bit more make-shift but still substantial. I've delved into the DVD of the second season of How I Met Your Mother, enjoying the 20-minute episodes after a long day of work. But I miss the sports shows.

So Much to Write, So Little Space

2009-02-10T11:38:00.004-05:00

I realize I haven't written in a while, and really, it's because there is so much to say. So many topics to uncover and blog about. It's hard to pick just one. The invitations have been ordered, their quasi modern design (a square invitation, rather than a rectangle...postage is more expensive, but you pay for modernity) being created as I type. The hotel for our guests has been selected, rates negotiated, and contract completed. All we need are some guests now. The new band has been found, listened to, and signed with. The honeymoon plans are on hold until my world traveling fiancee comes back from South Africa, and we can put the frequent flier miles he's amassed toward our Croatian adventure. My veil has arrived, and now I wait anxiously for my dress to come in. I still need shoes, a hair style, and a make-up artist. There's more that's been checked off, and more that's left to do. I find myself feeling a range of emotions: excited, tired, curious, happy. Sometimes I look forward to being finished with the wedding planning process, and sometimes I think I'll miss it. I wonder what I'll do next...what project. And, even as the wedding pieces come together, I still can't imagine what picture they'll produce come actual wedding day.

The Last Adventure?

2009-02-04T09:29:00.002-05:00

As a kid, I loved roller coasters. The amusement park rides that just spun around and around made me dizzy, but I would wait in the roller coaster's hour-long line without question. The slow, anticipation filled-ride up the first hill of the roller coaster was followed by an immediate downhill spiral, and then a series of up and down, left and right moves. I would off the ride, exhausted by exhilarated, my hair disheveled, my stare wide-eyed, and my smile deep and profound. That adventurous spirit never left me, as I travelled to Ecuador as a teenager, Prague as an undergrad, and Japan for two years post-college. But on the brink of marriage and my 30s debut (the big 3-0 is 13 months away and I am already painfully aware), I know that some adventures might stop. I'm more cognizant of consequences, more tied down to the daily routine of writing my articles at work and going to the gym, or out to drinks with a friend, afterwards. But lately I've been thinking that marriage is not my last adventure--it could be my biggest. Full of excitement, surprises, challenges sure, but also rewards. As I prepare for this new phase of my life, I am looking back to my previous adventures to remember how much happiness I got from them.

The Wedding of my Dreams

2009-02-03T12:17:00.002-05:00

I swear, I think the wedding is beginning to affect me more while I am asleep than awake. Last night I was again deep in what can only be described as A REALLY WEIRD dream. Instead of the DC wedding I have been planning, our wedding was in Croatia (our honeymoon locale), but to get there, my parents, Dan, and I flew to Yugoslavia, where we stayed at the house of a couple we found on craigslist. It was in the middle of the worst rain storm ever, and so the couple (who were very trendy and arte noveau, and had an adorable eight-year-old daughter) decided they would drive us to a train station to get to Croatia for the ceremony. They took us in their car, where we feared for our life and I worried that we wouldn't make the train to Croatia, and Dan and I would return to the US, unmarried. Turns out we would return unwed, because we kept calling and calling our Croatian wedding venue, but couldn't get through. We eventually all assumed they were closed because of the terrible, terrible rainfall. And so, sadly, we gave up on marriage and drove to West Virginia. (Apparently you can drive from Yugoslavia to West Virginia). I was pressuring everyone for us to just go to the first wedding chapel we could find, although I am not sure how it ended because I had to get up for work. I have nothing else to say.

The End of the Blog? Or Not?

2009-01-30T15:54:00.002-05:00

So, even though my wedding is more than four months away, I've already started thinking about the life of this blog post-marriage. I won't be a mindful bride anymore. I won't be looking over invitation fonts and deciding what to do with my hair (my latest concern...thoughts?). Could the blog keep going as it is, should it be stopped, or can I transform it somehow? Thinking about the end of mindfulbride then got me thinking about the end of wedding planning! My initial thought is relief--I'll be married, the process will be over, I'll have SO MUCH more free time! But of course there is the feeling of sadness too, that the wedding and all of its associated excitement is over. I remember when I ran the 10-mile cherry blossom race a few years back. I trained, I mapped out my training schedule on an excel spreadsheet (Ok, fine, Dan did that, complete with color codes), I went to bed early before my runs, I loaded on carbs and hydrated like crazy. When I ran the race, it was awesome! It was a perfect spring day, and I was pumped on adrenaline. Dan, who hadn't really been training, decided to accompany me at the last minute. It was an incredible, incredible time. But then it was over, and I wasn't sure what to do. I don't even remember if I did anything in particular to get out of my post-race phase; getting used to life post-race must have happened so gradually and gracefully I didn't even notice it.

A Piece of Floridian Bliss

2009-01-26T14:18:00.002-05:00

This weekend, I was Internet free as I travelled from chilly DC to warm, sunny Florida. Dan and I surprised my grandparents with a visit, caught up with my aunt and uncle (who knew beforehand about our trip), laid on a beach chair while munching on vanilla fudge, and chilled out. We looked at photo albums, read magazines, and chatted over breakfast. The weekend ended with an early morning flight back to the frigid Washington weather. But when the plane landed and I sleepily made sure I had all my bags, I felt like I re-entered reality. Back to the wedding planning and work and cooking dinner (In Florida, there are plenty of other chefs to whip up delicious vegetarian concoctions). But the weekend rejuvenated me. The road ahead continues to twist--with more wedding tasks to check off, more creative thinking to do--and slowly the end comes closer into sight. I enjoy the path, but every now and then it's so nice and healthy and refreshing to step off it for a second, feel the comfort the people close to you, and embrace the warmth of the Florida sun. When you get back on the road, you feel more relaxed and ready to move forward.

A Steelers Fan...For Now

2009-01-21T17:27:00.004-05:00

A benefit (albeit a side one) of finding a life partner is that when your sports team falls to 8-8 after an amazing first half of the season (by Redskins standards anyway) and misses the playoff is that you can cheer for your significant other's team. And right now, I am rooting for the Steelers to beat the Cardinals in Tampa. In a way, I'm diversifying my allegiances similar to investors advise you to diversify your funds. Some people will disagree with me: They're cheer-for-one-team kind of people. And so am I...until my team is out and rooting for another won't feel like cheating. So I watched as the Steelers brutally took on the Ravens, while the Pittsburgh fans waved their yellow terrible towels, and I began learning the names and positions of the Stealers players (Hines Ward is a wide receiver, right)? It may sound contradictary to my more mellow personality, but I love cheering for football. And so, as the Super Bowl nears, I'll be a converted and temporary Steelers fan. Are you too? Vote on my new poll at right!!!

Who's Afraid of Change?

2009-01-21T11:51:00.004-05:00

In case you were enclosed in a giant hole for the last 18 months, the U.S. Presidential inauguration was yesterday. With the day off work, Dan and I and two friends walked from our apartment to the Washington Monument, where we were greeted by more than a million people cheering, crying, weeping, and celebrating. It was freezing, but amazing. We couldn't see Obama in person, but watched him on the Jumbo Tron. The crowd was captivating. The sea of people embracing change, a new President with a new vision. I've talked before about my fears of change, my concern over the unknown, as the wedding day and marriage approach. But being there yesterday was an extremely powerful reminder of how good change can be. As the country moves forward with our first African American President, I can only hope about how many joys 2009 will bring, in so many ways.

Dreaming of June

2009-01-17T12:34:00.003-05:00

It's freezing here in DC. My 25-minute on foot commute to work yesterday was torture! When I arrived, my cheeks with flushed a deep cherry red, my eyes were watery from the bitter wind, and my hands were one step away from numb (No, I've never been a cold weather person). I stayed inside all day, and even put off leaving work and entering the tundra again, but at least I turned off my computer, packed my bags, and prepared for my exit. As I walked to the gym for a pre-weekend workout, I HAD to think about something else. And so my mind turned to June. The warm weather, the gentle breeze instead of the bracing wind, the sunshine rather than ominous clouds. And, of course, the wedding day. The day that's been on my mind for about eight months now. I still can't picture it. But as I check things off, I get more and more excited about the day. And not only the fact that it will be in the warm weather month of June, although that certainly helps. But the day itself. Sure, there's lots more to do and plan and think about, but right now, I am just excited with the anticipation of it all. In the bitter January cold, the promise of a wedding weekend four and a half months away made the walk home more bearable.

Time, Time, and More Time

2009-01-15T09:19:00.002-05:00

Planning a wedding takes time. Sure, you're thinking, way to overstate the obvious. But it REALLY does. The last few weeks especially have been dominated by securing the cupcake vendor, refining our wedding Web site, and figuring out the invitations. In conversations with family, friends, colleagues, people I randomly meet on the street or in the doctor's office, the wedding comes up. Sometimes it's exhausting to always be thinking about the event. To always have something to do for it. With the wedding beginning to dominate my life, I find it more important to enjoy the process. Relish tasting the red velvet cupcakes topped with a decadent cream cheese icing. Smile as I work on www.themonkeyswedding.com, writing up the narratives of our attendants and posting pictures. Feel the sense of satisfaction when I can check something off the to-do list. But I know I can't ONLY think about the wedding. That will drive me insane. In the coldness of winter, I find going to the gym and walking briskly on the treadmill, while watching the news or a light sitcom, really invigorating. Or going to a gentle yoga class, where I can stretch my body and try to forget about the world around me. Forget about the checklists, the flowers, the wedding food, and just be.

The Artist's Way

2009-01-12T09:19:00.003-05:00

As a child, I loved to draw and paint. A favorite picture of me is as a three-year old, with crayons of assorted colors placed between my toes, smiling happily. I took drawing and art classes until middle school, when academics, sports, and a burgeoning social life pushed art to the back burner a bit. I never really returned to art. In high school, I began to channel my creative energies into the written word, trying to build pictures and images with letters and sentences. And I DO love writing, obviously; I wouldn't be a writer by day and a blogger by night if I didn't. But as the wedding process gets more into the weeds--right now we just signed off on a cupcake vendor and are working with them to create a decorative dessert, we are revamping our Web site with additional words and images (check out the new and improved www.themonkeyswedding.com), and are in the midst of designing our wedding invitation. It's overwhelming at times, but really fun. I know that these details are not completely related to the marriage itself...having a multi-tiered cupcake spread doesn't ensure happily ever after. But it's fun to be artistic, to proverbially roll up your sleeves and get down and dirty making the wedding details pretty and uniquely your own.

Letting the World Know!

2009-01-09T09:10:00.003-05:00

This week was big in respect to our wedding communication strategy. On Monday, my mom and I had our first meeting with an invitions vendor, where we pored through around 10 thick books of sample invitations. "Ignore the font and color, just focus on the size, shape, and thickness of paper," she advised. We left with a few favorites in hand. During this encounter, I also learned a bit about my own styles. I always felt I was somewhere between traditional and contemporary when it came to wedding design. Nothing too old-fashioned, but nothing too modern and avant garde either. Turns out I am a total comtemporary. I veered toward the boxy (as opposed to rectangular) invitations, text at the bottom half of the page (instead of written across the whole invitation), and shied away from the traditional and classy double-envelope. Who knew? Apparently the invitation vendor. My wrap-around gray cardigan, and my interesting camisole were definite tip-offs, she assured me.
The wedding that I've been talking about with Dan, my parents, and his parents will soon be in people's mailboxes!

The Countdown Begins

2009-01-06T10:09:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year! We celebrated at the Rocket Bar in Chinatown, where I renewed my childhood love of skiball, and played a few rounds of shuffleboard. The clock ticked down toward midnight. The TV was tuned to the ball about to drop in Times Square, and the crowd gathered around beginning the countdown. Soon the ball was released, everyone was shouting "3, 2, 1." Suddenly yells of "Happy New Year" pierced the air, and people began hugging and kissing each other. I took a sip of the cheap beer that was included in my $5 cover charge, and thought "Whoa, it's really 2009." Even though the countdown to the new year had ended with bursts of cheers, the ticking down to our wedding and marriage has really intensified. We're now in the same year of our wedding. I met 2009 with a mix of emotions. There's the pure excitement: By the end of this year, I'll be married! There's the concern: Will everything fall into place before June? There's the nostalgia: This is the last few months of single life. There's the wedding picture still fuzzy: What will our wedding really be like? What will marriage be like? I guess there's only one way to find out: write an "X" on days on the calendar as they pass, slowly count the months, the minutes to the wedding, and see how everything unfolds.

Eileen and Justin's Wedding

2008-12-28T17:02:00.005-05:00

At 11:00am yesterday morning, I walked down the aisle, remembering not to step too quickly and smile gracefully even though I was a little nervous. "What?" you readers are thinking. "Did you and Dan elope?" Nope. I was a bridesmaid. My friend from childhood, Eileen, and her new husband Justin got married yesterday, in a beautiful ceremony followed by a fun-filled and special reception (note: the food, particularly the chocolate coated macaroons and the espresso bar were huge hits. Just thinking of the sweet coconut cookie dipped in a latte makes me hungry). Eileen looked great. Not because of her beaded white dress or long lace veil. But because she had the bridal glow, the glow of happiness. And I felt really honored to be a part of the wedding. I've known Eileen since elementary school, and we've had more than our fair share of skinned knees and elbows courtesy of rollerblading injuries. (check out my post after her bridal shower for more details). It's a pretty amazing feeling to watch someone you've known the majority of your life, who's been a constant through so much of the memorable growing up years, go through a major rite of passage. I hope my wedding has a similar warm and special aura. Although I don't know if any dessert could compare to those macaroons.

On Blogging

2008-12-26T10:16:00.002-05:00

With 100 posts behind me and 1.5 million hits (thanks readers!), I decided to devote a post to blogging itself. I started the blog last summer (2007), under the name Sunflowers and Intuitions (I love the beautiful, friendly sunflowers). But writing about ruminations was more difficult than I thought, and I let my online diary drift off into the mighty blogosphere. But in July, after the initial engagement excited was waning and the reality of planning a wedding was setting in, I knew I needed an outlet. And so the blog was reborn under a new name. Having a theme helps the writing process, and there is usually one aspect of the wedding I can talk about at any given moment. Blogging can be scary. You never know if the words you type somehow get miscommunicated to your readers, or, like any other type of writing, if your readers will think your words are too deep, too shallow, too pretentious, too silly. That's the risk of writing...you put yourself out there. But the rewards are there too, when someone comments on a post, or a friend or family member says they really enjoyed a certain theme I discussed. And the personal rewards too--every post I publish feels like a minor achievement. With blogging comes a chance to be creative with words, to vent frustrations, to think about what marriage actually means. Many of my family members and friends have told me that having a blog to read connects them to us and our wedding process, even though they are a plane ride away. When I started blogging, I didn't envision that. I guess when you take a chance, the benefits can often surprise you.

Shades of White

2008-12-23T09:53:00.002-05:00

A few weekends ago, I made another wedding purchase: a veil. Dan's sisters had both used the same veil in their weddings, and they lent it to me to wear as well. I liked the idea of handing something down from wedding to wedding, but when I went to the bridal boutique to try on their veil with my dress, it didn't match! In my naivete, I had just assumed white was white, and their classically elegant, egg-shell colored veil would work with my ivory dress. Boy, was I wrong. It clashed. I was disappointed, not to wear their veil. But I went back to the drawing board, or bridal dress shop rather. Finding another veil wasn't that hard...and actually the two veils are very similar in style, just not color. And so the story ends on a happy note. But I share this little segment of my wedding planning process for the two lessons I learned from it: never make assumptions, and there are many, many shades of white.

Stress Busters

2008-12-16T15:32:00.002-05:00

So, I was reading an article yesterday on managing the stress of planning a wedding. I really liked one idea, so much so that Dan and I had implemented it, even before I saw this piece. The idea was to schedule times where wedding talk is banned..the article suggested whole weekends at a time, but we have taken it more gradually to not discuss any nuptial details past 11pm or Saturday nights and Sunday mornings. Not that we talk about the wedding the rest of the week, but that time is forbidden. I like that, because it emphasizes that there is a life outside of the wedding, there are still things to think about, talk about, and do together.

Recession Wedding

2008-12-16T09:09:00.002-05:00

Every morning, I get dressed while listening to NPR's market report. As I pick what sweater to wear and apply mascara and foundation, I hear about the job losses and auto industry bailout and sacrifices people are making in these difficult economic times. When I think about our wedding in the context of this global recession, it puts the choices about cakes and bands into better perspective. Sometimes I feel guilty having a nice wedding when people nationwide are worried where their next paycheck is coming from. It's somewhat illogical--if I cut back on the dessert or music, our nation's fiscal problems won't be solved and everyone's 401Ks won't reverse their steep downward spiral. But I keep coming back to a thought I've had over the last few months--having a beautiful wedding is a gift, something to be grateful for, something to appreciate and not take for granted. Sometimes when I talk to potential vendors, I get annoyed. They all make me feel like I NEED to buy this or have that--otherwise my wedding won't be complete. I feel cheap if I don't succomb to their suggestions, and a spend thrift if I do. But then I think again--these vendors, too, are a product of our economic slump and are also hoping to get a few extra bucks through my business.

Piece of (Cup) Cake

2008-12-15T09:09:00.002-05:00

Last Tuesday, Dan and I and my friend Hannah went to Hello Cupcake, a trendy cupcake confectionary in Dupont Circle, to sample cupcakes. After splitting six kinds between us, we were completely stuffed with sugary goodness, but had made some progress on what flavors would work for our dessert. (My favorite was a vanilla cake with creamy lemon icing. YUM). But as we tasted and rated cupcakes, Dan and I were also dealing with something not so sweet. Last week was the first time where there was a difference of opinions between various stakeholders in the wedding. It was over the band, whether to go for the original one we'd found once we realized the band would take up more space on the dance floor than we'd envisioned. I'll spare you the details, but I was a little frustrated and sad with the experience. Not because I was really set on one particular band--I was fairly neutral on this issue--but because I hate when people are disappointed. But as the issue is resolving itself--we found another great band--I did some real thinking about the wedding. What I want out of it. And really, what I want more than anything, is the day itself, and the planning preceding it, to be as enjoyable, conflict-free, and relaxed as possible. But that may not always happen. And when stressors arise and people disagree, I want to realize it's okay, that these things will slowly, gradually work themselves out.

Croatia, We're A'Coming

2008-12-09T10:30:00.004-05:00

So we've chosen a honeymoon destination: Croatia. Its glistening beaches, historical sites, and pristine national parks have beckoned. My blog readers agree, as they picked this Eastern European country on a survey I conducted a few months back. On Saturday night, Dan and I waited in a Barnes and Noble to see Slum Dog Millionaire (the 8pm showing was sold out, so we settled for the 10pm. It was worth the 2-hour bookstore browse. Great movie!), where we paged through several guide books. The never dormant travel bug in me awakened with a frenzy, excited to read about this secluded beach or that famous local restaurant. Dan shares my love of international travel, and I soon saw him drift deeper into the books, dreaming of a scuba dive off a Croatian beach. We bought one book, a glossy covered Frommer's guide that includes several itineries and lists of the best shorelines, diving spots, hotels, and hiking. Let the travel planning begin!

Six Months Away

2008-12-07T21:25:00.002-05:00

As I was watching Sunday afternoon football with friends, someone pointed out to me that our wedding is six months away. June 7. It's hard to believe that a warm, late spring wedding is on the way, considering Washington is blanketed with winterness--biting winds and cold nights. But before you know it, the spring, and our wedding day, will arrive. We're a season away from getting hitched. We've been engaged for seven months, and with six months to go, we're past the halfway point. When I realized I only had six months to get everything into gear, I momentarily panicked. But then I remembered that I had checked off all the items included in the 6-9 prenuptial period, according to a checklist which I ripped out of a bridal magazine and taped to our fridge door. So I calmed down. As we walked home from our friends' place, Dan reassured me with promises of building more spreadsheets so we could organize exactly what we needed to do. I laughed. Anyway who knows Dan's affinity for Microsoft Excel and any other organizational tools would chuckle too. But then, as we continued our walk in the bitter cold, I started thinking a bit bigger: in six months, I'll be a wife. I'll have a husband. It's pretty amazing.

Trend Setter

2008-12-04T11:09:00.004-05:00

Don't have too much time now, but I just realized I'm a trend setter. On my way to work today, I glimpsed at a front page headline on the Washington Post Express. It read "Sunny Outlook: Style experts say bright yellow will be hot in 2009." Check out the full article here. (Scroll to page 31). Did I not pick the yellow-and-white color scheme for our wedding a month or so ago? This blog is proof! Surely my own color preferences didn't influence the fashion world...or did they?

A Tale of Two Wallets

2008-12-03T13:51:00.002-05:00

There's a Trader Joe's about a block from my office, where I often go after work to buy groceries for dinner. About six months ago, I was there on such a shopping excursion. I was in line, waiting as the cashier scanned all my items and asked for me to swipe my credit card. I reached into my brown messenger bag in search of my wallet. I felt a book, my cell phone, and various flavors of lip gloss, but no wallet. Panic set in. Where could it be? Suddenly I imagined someone sneaking into my office, stealing the wallet, and traveling halfway around the world, charging everything to my plastic. The cashier asked again for my card. "I don't have it," I said. "That's OK. No big deal" she said, taking the brown paper bag filled with the night's dinner contents away from me. "It's not OK," I said, either out loud or to myself, to this day I can't remember. "My wallet's gone. Someone's over in Europe spending my hard-earned cash." (OK, the second part I definitely didn't say out loud). After she took the bag of groceries, I sprinted back to the office, where sure enough I spotted my wallet, completely in tact and locked away in a desk drawer. By that point, I decided to avoid a second Trader Joe's trip and so we scavaged for dinner. Fast forward to yesterday. I'm back in line at Trader Joe's, about to pay when my wallet again cannot be found. I pause for a second, remembering that I had opened by wallet for change to buy an afternoon candy bar and had again, locked it up in the desk drawer, rather than put it back in my purse. I asked the cashier to hold my food--which they can do, FYI--and ran back to the office. Sure enough, it was safe and sound in my office. I returned to the store, paid for and collected my groceries, and had a nice dinner. Aha, the wonders of mindfulness. Maybe these two stories have nothing to do with weddings, but as the rabbi told us in our second meeting with him last week, use proven solutions or strategies for new problems. A pause, a deep breath, a moment of calm, could make a world of difference.

Scary Hair

2008-11-30T18:36:00.002-05:00

The last hair cut I had was about three months ago, the day of our engagement party. But it was only a trimming of my split ends. And my last visit before then had also been a few months. It was an effort to grow my hair long so come wedding day, it would fall in cascading soft curls down my upper back. Yeah, I don't see that happening. Right now, my hair is a few inches past my shoulders. In my standards, that's really long. And it doesn't go straight down the more it grows. It grows out. I manage my mane with products, potions, and pony tail holders to reduce the frizzing--to some avail. But with Christmas coming up, I am worried that my hair is starting to resemble a wintery pine tree. (I can hear you readers thinking two things to yourself right now: that I'm judging myself too harshly and I don't even celebrate Christmas. Both are true, but not the point). So, I given up the idea of long, romantic locks in favor of, well, something shorter. I don't have too many more details at this point, although I may confer with my hair dresser when I go for my appointment in the next few weeks. I'm also coming to terms right now that I may just never be a long-haired gal. And you know what--I am making my peace with that.

In Limbo

2008-11-29T14:34:00.006-05:00

On Thursday, Dan and I and 16 of my closest relatives were carving our way through an enormous and tasty Thanksgiving meal, we all went around the table, saying what we were thankful for. It's an old tradition at our Thanksgiving. I had an easy thing to say this year: our engagement and upcoming wedding. I retold the story of the early morning proposal to my close relatives--most of whom had already heard how the event transpired but gracefully let me relive the glory. Looking back to moment we got engaged makes me happily nostalgic, and looking ahead to the wedding and married life fosters feelings of excitement and anticipation. But what about the present? The engagement, the in limbo period. It's our first Thanksgiving as fiances--and our last. It's a weird feeling--we're not quite married but are we really single? I found myself hesitating over that very question a few weeks ago, as I was filling out forms at the doctor's office. I know my life won't change too much immediately after we get hitched...I mean, we already live together and we'll still have our separate nights out on occasion post marriage. But there is some shedding, some chapters closing and others slowly emerging during this engagement era.

Something Sweet

2008-11-25T14:14:00.003-05:00

So, a fun part of the wedding planning has descended upon us: dessert selections. We opted for cupcakes, going along with our subtly cheerful and whimsical nuptial theme. Plus these treats are delicious and easy to serve. Luckily cupcake mania hit DC in the last year, with several stores like Hello Cupcake and Georgetown Cupcake setting up shop quicker than a batch of their products rises in the oven. The gourmet flavors range from red velvet, banana vanilla, coconut, raspberry, and peanut butter swirl. All are topped with a kind of sweet, creamy icing and smothered in sprinkles or small candies. There are millions of deep chocolately varieties too, but as neither of us is huge fans of this ever popular flavor, we may have to forego it. Of course, we cannot serve our guests something without properly testing it out first, so I'm starting to book a few tasting sessions. Yum! As I type I am starting to crave a vanilla cupcake topped with a mild lemon icing and yellow sprinkles. Stay tuned for our tasting adventures.

Happy Anniversary

2008-11-24T23:11:00.003-05:00

The clock reads 11:12pm. Our four-year anniversary from our first date is slowly fading away. I'm a little sad, the same sort of sadness when your birthday ends and you have to wait a whole 364 days to celebrate again. But also excited. As a surprise, Dan bought us tickets to see Cirque de Soliel (too tired to google the spelling...but you know what I mean). And who says after four years romance is dead?!? And, of course, I feel a bit nostalgic. Anniversaries do that to you, I suppose. I showed up to our first date in a purple cowl neck sweater and black ankle boots (I know. My memory scares me too). My mother dropped me off at the Dupont metro--I was living with my parents briefly during that time--and Dan and I walked to Front Page for beers. After two drinks on an empty stomach, my nerves were gone and we were chatting. Dan broke out pictures of his niece (Nice move, right) and we headed on over to Sushi Taro for dinner. It was the day before Thanksgiving, and per usual, I was juggling too many balls. I was trying to make plans with a high school friend (I even called her house to check in our her flight status. What a social blunder!) Luckily, Dan didn't mind and we ate and talked some more. At the risk of too much corniness, I'll sign off here. Four years later!

Wedding Planning in My Sleep

2008-11-20T09:46:00.003-05:00

In the middle of the night last night, I jolted up from sleep. I touched my forehead to feel a thin layer of sweat right below my hair line. Before glancing to the clock to see what ridiculously early time it was, I forced my eyes shut. Luckily, I returned to sleep almost immediately.
I had a nightmare. No, it wasn't your typical nightmare of being chased by a robber or something. It was the bride-to-be version. In this nightmare, it was my wedding day, and I had forgotten one crucial detail: to arrange seat assignments. I remembered that morning, and quickly got on the phone with my mother. Before I knew it, she was driving me up to an art store to buy paper tabs on which to write our guests' names. Some unknown random third cousin was also in the car. I couldn't find a yellowish shade of paper to match the wedding's colors, so I settled for plain white. I bought as many as I could find, and then rushed back into the car. I was already late for my hair appointment. As my mother dropped me off there, she promised to place every guest at a table, and then write their name and table number on the white seat card. In a very short amount of time. And she still had to get ready herself. I don't know how the dream ended: I woke up sweating. Then I remembered my wedding is seven months away. In that time, I can surely find time to make table assignments. With that reassurance, I fell back into a deep sleep.

Shower Time

2008-11-18T13:11:00.003-05:00

Growing up, I was part of the neighborhood group. A bunch of skinny, knee-scapped kids who were always seeking an adventure, and usually one that required a ton of physical activity. Roller blade hockey was a popular choice, or hitting the tennis balls at a nearby cement courts, or a fierce game of kickball in a grassy backyard. When the weather was bad, we did turn on the Nintendo and invade kitchen shelves for oatmeal creme pies. I used to really love those cookies. Slowly that group of kids has grown up, with several of its members entering a different kind of union: marriage. For others of us, like my friend Eileen and I, the wedding is on the way. Eileen's is first. And so this weekend, we had a bridal shower/co-ed dinner party for her. The shower itself was a ton of fun--brunch at a yummy and charming restaurant, mani/pedis at my local nail salon, and then back to the apartment for bellinis (check them out--delicious), fruit tart, and gifts exchange. After the shower, we brought the significant others along for dinner (minus Dan, who was just coming in from a work trip to South Africa. He was not jet-lagged, just very very tired). It was the perfect weekend, just hanging out like old times. Only now, I didn't come back home with blood streaming down my legs, courtesy of a hockey injury. I had raspberry colored toes instead. Maturity is over-rated, isn't it?

At the Movies

2008-11-14T16:06:00.003-05:00

This week, I did some serious movie catch up. Wednesday night, I curled up in sweats and watched Katherine Heigl drive herself crazy as the world's perfect bridesmaid in 27 Dresses. Last night was Rachel Getting Married on the big screen, starring Anne Hathway as a recovering addict going to her sister's wedding. Needless to say, family tension ensues. Rachel Getting Married made me nauseous, literally. The filming was purposely wobbly, to give an aura of friction and unease. But I enjoyed both films, the light-hearted romantic comedy and the serious, stomach upsetting family drama. Since I got engaged, I've been especially interested to see marriage in the movies. Anything is possible. With unlimited budgets, fictional characters, and complete control over the weather, filmmakers can create any sort of wedding they choose. To me, it's pure entertainment. I don't watch these movies to take notes; I watch to see the fantasy unfold. And the behind-the-scenes preparations. Sure, I've been to my fair share of weddings, but I've never been so intimately involved in their planning. There's something satisfying about watching the brides, their families and their fiances tackle any prenumptial stress...and then somehow get through it and have a meaningful day. Sure, it is the movies, not real life, but this escape into fiction makes me more excited for reality.

Want What You Have

2008-11-11T10:43:00.004-05:00

I watch as the green leaves morph into their more colorful autumn shades of bright yellows and crimsoms. The crispness of the season intoxicates me. Maybe a fall wedding would have been a better choice? And even though I can't wait to wear my wedding dress, when I look through magazines, I can't help but think that maybe a different style would have suited me nicer. The grass is always a bit greener, precisely because it's not your grass. And while second guessing is second nature, it's not really productive. It's easy to lose sight of the fact that you like what you have and lust for what's missing. It's a real skill to admire someone else's idea or dress or venue or wedding cake without then looking disappointedly to your own decisions. On the other hand, criticizing other people's color schemes or dinner menus only to make yourself feel better is also counterproductive. All of this is human nature coupled with a competitive wedding industry that pins nuptial events against one another. As I watch the multi-colored leaves spiral down to the ground and dream of a fall wedding, I am guilty of it too. But then I think of the warm spring months, the feeling of rebirth as soft green buds grow on tree branches, and I know what I have is pretty darn good too!

A Lesson in Flexibility

2008-11-08T22:17:00.005-05:00

For about five years, yoga was my go-to hobby. A vinyasa, or flow, yoga class had everything: a chance to relax my wandering mind, energize my body, separate myself from my day and my stares at a computer screen, and slowly feel myself easing slightly deeper into difficult stretches. In January, I took a plunge and registered for a 33-hour yoga teacher training course, which I loved. But then in April, as a lingering pain in my leg worsened, yoga became off-limits. No longer could I enjoy the quick down-ard dog to plank to cobra sequence, or the peaceful calm I felt after a strenuous class (Yes, in a previous life I have done PR for a yoga studio). And so until now, I've been pretty much away from the yoga class. But recently, because I've healed somewhat, I've now been allowed to go back to a very gentle class, with no flow but graceful poses nonetheless. I've now found softer, slower classes. There're different, but yoga is yoga. As I stretch my back in a bridge pose or relieve my hamstrings with my legs up the wall, I remembered how much I missed it. And sure enough, when I leave class now, I find that good ole natural yoga high again!

Red, Blue, or Yellow??

2008-11-04T21:18:00.004-05:00

I sit at home, switching between different news stations to find the latest scoop on which state voted blue or red. Every presidential election day is slow and anticipation filled, with intermittent news bursting in. So I decide to step away from the TV for a few minutes, and ponder over my wedding color scheme. Trading, momentarily, the historic election for some thoughts on flowers. (OK, fine, it's on in the background...). Recently, we chose a cheerful yellow and a crisp white as the our wedding colors, with hints of green sprinkled in. I had considered every one of the rainbow's shades, but thought yellow was warm, a bit funky, yet still sophisticated. I had a bright yellow room growing up, and since my bedroom was the furthest east in the house, every morning the sun would stream in and light it up. When I was 14, I painted the yellow walls over with a soft baby blue, and even though I liked the change, I still felt a kinship with my original sunny hue. I feel a bit of relief, having made a decision, talked with a florist, and gotten her thoughts on bouquets and center pieces. Now, I move forward, onto food and photographers. But before anything else: back to the TV.

Saturn Return

2008-10-29T15:51:00.002-04:00

I didn't know this until Monday, but there is a regular astronomical occurrence that occurs in a person's life at between age 27-30 and again at 58-60 and then again at 86-88. The planet Saturn takes about 29 years to orbit the sun; the time when it comes back to the exact place it was when a person was born is called Saturn Return. Saturn is associated with challenge, fear, doubt, confusion, unwanted burdens and hard lessons--just to name a few fun facts about this planet. The saturn's return is like a rite of passage, when people who are approaching their dreaded 30th birthday analyze their professional and personal situations. Saturn shines a brilliantly bright beam on your whole life. If someone is happy with an aspect of their lives, they may show more commitment to it--like getting married or earning a promotion at work. If you're not satisfied with something, Saturn will not let you hide from it. Saturn is a time of change. A time of taking responsibility. You may moving further into things, or retreat and find a new course. Either way, it can be exhausting. Shedding an old layer of skin is painful. So my advice to my fellow Saturn Returners...it's okay if you're overwhelmed with this time in your life. You are not alone. And answers will slowly make their way toward you.

It's Been 10 Years

2008-10-26T21:43:00.002-04:00

What to wear? My new shimmery fuchsia top with skinny black pants and suede boots?No, too much. A ruffly black shirt, dark jeans, the same suede boots and a thin, turquoise-and-silver necklace seemed more casually cool. As my friend Amanda and I drove up to the hotel, a small butterfly grew in my stomach. Who is actually going to be here?
I wasn't really sure whether to go to the reunion. In fact, I might have not gone at all if I hadn't had a chance run-in with Amanda earlier that week who gave me the specifics and raised my curiosity. Where have people really been up to these last 10 years? (honestly, I knew a fair amount about the generalities...the advent of facebook answered a lot of those questions. But learning how people became their adult selves, how they morphed out of high school awkwardness requires face-to-face interaction). But once Amanda and I hopped out of the car, we ran into some people we knew, people we were excited to see, and my butterfly disappeared. I was sipping cocktails, fielding questions about my nuptials (like I said, facebook gives you plenty of basics from which to form a chit-chat), updating people on and remembering old times. I was learning about my former classmates' jobs and love lives (and in a few cases, children), and slowly realized that I wasn't in high school anymore. I wasn't even close. Ten years is a while. But as I came to terms with this closed part of my life, I also felt excited for the many chapters left to open.

I'm All In

2008-10-20T09:28:00.002-04:00

I held my two cards close, and looked over my cheat sheet. A full house beats a straight, right? And what about a flush? Or two of a kind? I held onto one of my black chips, considering my next move. This Saturday I learned poker. Texas hold 'em, to be more specific, even though I have no idea what why it's named that. At at a dinner with a few friends, after we polished off a meal of salmon garnished with spiced cranberries and savory butternut squash, we decided to play a round of poker. It turned out to be only one round, which took almost two hours. Dan used to venture out to poker on Thursday nights with some guy friends, but in recent months the game has died down as people have moved away, stay late at work, or have more family responsibilities. I never knew what really went on there. I learned early not to ask how he fared...I hate losing money and the thought of walking away with $20 or $30 less in your wallet pains me. Plus, he could never answer my general questions of how his friends and their significant others were doing. "We don't really talk about that" he would say. But on Saturday, when people were suggesting a game, I was curious. I dropped $3 into the pot and slowly learned the rules. It was so much fun! Not only because I came in second overall, and was able to get my three bucks back, plus two more. I was intrigued with when to fold, when to stay, and when to raise. How to conform your face into a blank slate, so your opponents don't know if you have a royal flush or nothing at all. (I need to work on my poker face; whenever I would get a good hand, I'd squeal in excitement). I finally got a glimpse of what happens at on poker night.

A Different Arrangement

2008-10-16T22:55:00.003-04:00

This morning as I was getting dressed, I turned on the radio to NPR. After a short segment on last night's final debate, a man came on the air waves talking about how he met his wife. No, not at a bar or through mutual friends or online. His parents picked. Arranged marriages seem crazy to me and my Western-minded beliefs. You find love in someone, date for a while, and gradually discover more and more about the person. It's like a picture that you begin to see more clearly---you learn their favorite sandwich is tuna fish with avocado on toasted wheat, that they can't stand the sound of slurping or early mornings, and that they fold laundry like a champion but shudder at the thought of cleaning the bathroom. (and of course, you learn about some more important things as well, like their life dreams and whatnot). Once the picture comes into a good view, then you--and you alone--decide that this is the ONE. Tossing this process aside and handing mom the reins--not really an option! But I was engrossed in listening to this couple, married now for six years, with a child, say how it worked for them. And it did. It's not a process of finding that special person, but working with the one you have. It reminds me of that old song "Love the One You're With." Falling in love, for them, happened after their marriage, as they starting spending every day and night together. What I really liked about this story was how the couple constantly worked to build a good relationship. As someone who met my future husband on my own time, my premarital relationship might be more developed. But any way you cultivate a marriage, it needs a lot of H20 and TLC. This couple had that.

Introducing Monkeys' Wedding

2008-10-13T22:21:00.003-04:00

And now, when the wedding date and venue and other logistics need to be captured, I introduce to you, blog readers, our wedding Web site: The Monkeys' Wedding. Unlike my blog, which chronicles the emotions that fill the day-to-day, this static page will be a one-stop resource for those wanting the facts. Okay, there is a bit of color affixed within the site too, as evidenced by its unusual name (credit duly given to Dan...to read how a certain agile jungle animal inspired the title, go to the site). As someone with no graphic design background, I enjoyed uploading images, moving text around, and making the site look kinda nice. I don't know when wedding Web sites came into vogue, but now many people I know create an electronic page while they simultaneously pick out paper invitations and firm up the mailing address of their neighborhood friend, a person they may have known for years, but never even bothered to send a letter. The wedding invitation industry, like the magazine and newspaper and to a lesser degree book empires, is realizing that to succeed, it probably needs an electronic option. But print isn't totally outdated...yet. As with any of these traditionally paper-based products, I wonder in 30 years will paper wedding invitations be a thing of the past??? Will Dan and I date ourselves in years to come because we sent snail mail invites?

Remember to Save the Date

2008-10-12T09:50:00.002-04:00

As another part of the homework these days, we're researching save-the-dates. A save-the-date, according to the wedding magazines, can be a more fun, funny card, with pictures and doodles and quotables; whereas the wedding invitation itself is generally more formal. I like the idea of adding some color and funkiness to the cards. So, again, I turn to my favorite, most accessible resource: the World Wide Web. There, as you google "save-the-date" hundreds of sites showcasing various examples of these cards pop up. Some include a picture of the soon-to-be married couple, some (against the advice of the magazines) are more fancy and could almost be mistaken for a wedding invitation itself, some are floral, some incorporate polka-dots or a month calendar with the said date circled in a bright shade. What surprised me the most during my research was what other parties now require a save-the-date. A drawing of a young teen reading from the Torah asked for you to remember his upcoming Bar Mitzvah. A fire engine red card with the outlines of white hearts announced an adolescent girl's 16th birthday. I was shocked. Beforehand, I was even slightly considering not sending save-the-dates, feeling I could rely on two more powerful communications systems: word of mouth and e-mail. But with flight prices soaring, we decided to add snail mail as another way to spread the word. So, the card search continues...

Some Sweet Nostalgia

2008-10-08T09:42:00.006-04:00

Almost six years ago, I found myself in a small riverboat in Vietnam's Mekong Delta. The air was hot and muggy, and as I turned from side to side, I embraced my tropical surroundings, complete with patches of palm trees. Four months before and fresh out of college, I had moved to Japan for as an assistant high school English teacher job. Vietnam would be my first taste of Southeast Asia, although I would be back to traipse in the northern Thai countryside (by foot and by elephant), visit Cambodia's Angkor Watt and reminders of the Khmer Rouge genocide, practice yoga in the Himalayan foothills, and taste Chinese delicacies in Taipei's night market. And then there was my foreign life in Japan too...meeting my students for dinners and letting them practice their burgeoning English, slurping green tea and eating sushi off the conveyer belt, and climbing to the peak of Mt. Fuiji at sunrise. But I particularly remember the Vietnam trip, probably because it was my first foray from Narita airport. Sitting in that boat, I had that "the world is my oyster" sensation, which was helped by a flexible work schedule and no other responsibities. I remember exploring Hanoi with my new friend at the time, Chelsea, an another English teacher from California. We found a cosy coffee shop there, where we played checkers and ate coconut sticky rice with mangoes. Then we flew to Ho Chi Minh, where the temperature and intensity grew. In between crawling in the claustrophic Chu-Chi tunnels and buying bootlegged $1CDs from countless street vendors, we would stay up late, talking about our pasts, our futures, our dreams, and our fears (mine is squirrels! I hate them!). Whenever I think about that trip, I get sad. Because it's impossible to relive. Work responsibilities are heavier and saving pennies is more important. The future feels somehow closer. I'm sure I'll keep traveling, but as I enter into marriage, I've lost some of that innocence. I'm more grown-up.

My Homework

2008-10-06T22:36:00.005-04:00

So, after the engagement party, I've been on a bit of a wedding planning lull. Instead, I traveled to suburban Connecticut for an early autumn wedding; greeted the Jewish New Year with family, friends, and food; and cheered as the Redskins carved their way to a 4-1 start. My eyes moved away from the bridal magazines and to Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight, a poetic memoir of a young women growing up in what was then Rhodesia. (highly recommend it). But just as gradually as the colder days are usurping the summer heat, I'm getting back in planning mode. In preparation for a meeting with a florist in two weeks, I've begun thinking colors. With wedding attendants in black attire, I'm imagining soft hues. Light shades. I spent some part of last night flipping again through the shiny magazines, dog earring bouquets I thought looked nice. Pale yellow flowers got my attention. Lilac and other purple relatives did too. So did a blackberry-flavored assortment. (But I'm not sure if it's just because I really like blackberries...or the idea of fruit in a traditionally flower-only decoration). Colors aren't as simple as I thought. If you care about consistency (which I do, to some degree), domino-effect type questions squirt up. Should the color of the flowers match the wedding stationery, as one guide book calls the Save-the-Date, wedding invitation, and thank-you cards? The wedding Web site? The cake (which is another thing I'm doing my research on now...)? You get the point: Colors are key.

Beauty's Only Skin Deep, Right?

2008-10-03T13:42:00.006-04:00

Honesty time: I am poring over my skin these days. Each day in the mirror, as I squirt out a bit of face wash and begin to work it into a lather, I take note of my skin. Where are the red blemishes I must conquer--first with soap, then acne cream, then--after everything is fully absorbed--foundation make-up? I'll search for the patchy dry spots and rub moisturizing cream all over them. Vanity, I know, isn't attractive. But it's somewhat unavoidable. And when your wedding day is nearing--a day where you pay a lot of money for good photographs and where your friends, family, and that occassional random relative no one remembered inviting come to watch YOU--you pay a bit more attention. But it's more than that...Not only is the bride looked at constantly on her wedding day--both live and in pictures for the rest of her life--but the bride is SUPPOSED to look stunning. It's part of the story. Part of the fairy tale romance with the woman is always beautiful. Do I sound cynical? I guess I am a bit...A woman has the right to not look her best (whatever that means...beauty is subjective anyway), even on her wedding day. But even as I write this, I don't want to look bad. I want the creamy skin and the styled hair and the detailed accessories. And even 8 months out, I am beginning to buy more creams and take closer note of my skin. Does that make my anti-feminist? I don't think so; I have the choice to look nice too, ya know. But does it make me a bit vain: maybe a little.

Happy New Year!

2008-09-30T16:57:00.004-04:00

The Jewish Rosh Hashanah festivities are upon us. Filled with golden honey poured over slices of shiny red-skinned apples, noodly kugel and doughy challah, and celebrating and reciting prayers with family and friends. The cool breeze of autumn is slowly replacing the almost relentless summer humidity and students are suiting up for their first days of school. It's football season, again, too, with every team hopeful for a long, winning record. Anything is possible, it seems. And so, in between my mouthfuls of comfy New Year food and sitting at shul, listening to the sound of the blaring shofar, I start to think of the year that has just passed me by, and the one coming right up. This last year has been, for lack of a better word, eventful. As I reflect on my 5:00 am engagement, our weekend away to celebrate alone and then all the wonderful calls, e-mails, hugs, cards, and other forms of well wishes from family and friends, I feel very happy. Then I turn my head to the next year, which will undoubtedly offer more excitement (and more planning) as our nuptials draw nearer and nearer. June will be here before you know it, many people have told me, and I believe them. But as much as the new year is a time of celebration, of bonding with family and looking forward to a new beginning, of endless possibilities, it is a time of reflection. Of thinking of how you may have wronged others, or yourself, in the previous year and repenting and trying to make right in the year to come. A new year isn't only a fresh start, but also an improvement on you lived the year before. That's why, next week, I'll put aside the savory foods and fast for a day. Remembering the wrongs and trying to make this next year--and all the exciting promise it holds--a bit sweeter.

Making Your Own Waves

2008-09-29T22:35:00.007-04:00

And now, for my second guest writer, I bring you my friend Anne, who married her husband in a small, unique ceremony.

On June 1, 2002, I married Kevin Andrew Hurst in a simple ceremony at a B&B in Manteo, North Carolina. For recent college grads, our wedding was a bit unconventional:

*We didn’t have a first dance (in fact, there was no dancing);
*I didn’t wear a veil;
*Kevin didn’t wear a tuxedo;
*I did not go to a salon and have my hair and makeup done;
*We didn’t have flower arrangements besides the daisies I chose for my bouquet at the florist the day before;
*We did not have a DJ (though we did hire a local couple who played the violin and the mandolin);
*We did not have a complex, tiered cake (Kevin doesn’t like cake); and
*We did not register for anything.

But you know what? Our wedding was perfect—for us.

We did not want our parents pouring money into an event that lasts a single day. And being frugal (okay, cheap), we wanted to save our money for traveling and purchasing a house. I’ve never been much of a girly girl and Kevin dreads crowds so a small, intimate wedding was logical. The B&B had an onsite wedding coordinator who made all the arrangements. Kevin picked out a seer sucker suit from Banana Republic and I found a simple linen J Crew number (before their wedding collections!). Of course, it was difficult to tell friends and extended family that we were just having immediate family at our wedding. There were some hurt feelings, but most of our social network was supportive, realizing it was our wedding and we should choose the framework for it.

The wedding weekend felt like a family vacation at the beach and was low key. Since our families had not spent time together, it allowed them to get to know each other. We had several dinners together and had leisurely breakfasts on the B&B’s veranda. After the wedding ceremony, we listened to the string musicians, sipped champagne, and munched on sushi in the B&B’s sun-dappled courtyard as Kevin’s nephews tumbled around on the ground. Then we walked to a nearby restaurant and had a lovely meal. The following day, Kevin and I had a beach picnic and biked around the island exploring its historic, moss-covered neighborhoods, a perfect coda to our wedding weekend, and so very “Anne and Kevin.”

Having a small, intimate wedding is not for everyone, but far too often, I hear my friends say, “oh I wish I would have done what you did.” Hearing this makes me sad because a wedding should be about the couple and should reflect their unique style. I think Kevin and I achieved that with our wedding. You should, too!

For Now, A Wedding Guest

2008-09-27T11:33:00.006-04:00

I am sitting at a computer in hotel's business center in New Canaan, Connecticut. My parents, Dan, and I drove up 1-95 last night for a friend's wedding later on today. I really can't wait for the festivities. For a lot of reasons. I lived down the street from the groom growing up--he and his brothers and sister were such an integral part of childhood. Going to a wedding of a friend who you'd play kickball with and roller bladed in the neighborhood streets has a special sense of nostalgia. Plus, I always love an opportunity to wear my favorite knee-length, flowy, turquoise dress with silver rhinestones embroidered on the straps...and matching blue shoes and a shiny silver hand bag. But also, as I've ventured into this crazy wedding planning process, I've gained appreciation for what really goes into making such an affair come to life. It reminds me of an article on music I wrote for work: One of the world's most beloved composers, Beethoven, was deaf when he wrote Sympathy No. 9. To enjoy this musical selection, a listener does not have to know that Beethoven couldn't actually hear the notes he was writing. But if you know the whole story and have a better glimpse of the process, you may enjoy the music just a bit more. The end result may be a bit sweeter.

Climb Every Mountain

2008-09-23T09:40:00.012-04:00

Okay, I know what you're thinking: I am Sound of Music obsessed. This is the second time I've borrowed my blog title from the 1960s movie chronicling the musically inclined Van Trapp Family's escape from Austria on the brink of World War II. What can I say: it's a good film.

But I digress. My purpose with this post is not to tout the movie, but to reflect on how important it is to meet challenges head on, to try something new and when it's hard...to keep going. A few weeks ago, my father embarked on a nearly week-long, 60 mile trek in California's Yosemite National Park (elev: 8,000 ft and higher). Every morning, he'd wake up at the campsite, and after a hearty breakfast (the food, apparently, was to die for), load up his 30-pound backpack and hike across some of the country's prettiest passages. Under clear, cloudless skies he'd pass by navy crystalline lakes and spy wild deer prancing in their natural habitat. At night, the sun would drop, chilling the air and forcing him to bundle up in hats and gloves for an appetizing dinner meal.

My brother, too, adventured this summer. A timid traveller, he bit the proverbial bullet and flew over to Israel for a two-week Birthright tour. There, he rode camels in the Negev desert, floated in the salty Dead Sea, watched the sun creep into the sky from the top of Masada, and relaxed on the Tel Aviv beaches.

When I talked to them both about their experiences, saw their pictures and heard their stories, I thought that I too needed to take leaps sometimes. Try the untried. Go onto unchartered territory. Fear nothing. What should I do, I thought. A total physical adventure is off limits right now, thanks to a persistent leg injury. But then I thought of something so painfully obvious, I am embarassed it wasn't at the top of my mind. Getting married! Not planning a wedding and thinking of flowers and guest lists, but actually embarking on a lifelong commitment with someone. For me, it's untried and unchartered. It's perfect. And, if the smiles on my dad and brother's face after their respective trips are any indicator--it's that new things, even if they're tough at times, are really rewarding.

A Great Conversation Piece

2008-09-18T12:37:00.003-04:00

On Tuesday, I met with a financial consultant at work to discuss my 401k plan. Before you knew it, the conversation on stocks and bonds had evolved into a chat about wedding flowers and cakes. Where are you getting married, she wanted to know. When? Then she went into some of her family's wedding day disasters. Once, the hair stylist assumed that a Friday wedding fell on Saturday, and when the miscommunication was uncovered (apparently late in the game), she was no longer available to twist hair and pin up barrettes. A replacement was quickly found and hired. In a similar story, a cousin's make up artist was a no show and the financial consultant herself (the one relaying the story to me) had to fill in. She was a self-claimed cosmetic novice but in the end, she rose to the challenge and applied the bride's eye shadow, mascara, and blush perfectly. Her point in telling me these stories was to ease nerves (hey, small things happen) and maybe give herself a pat on the back, but I left a little horrified, worrying that my cosmetician would bail and my hair would be a jumbled mess.
This story certainly does not stand alone. Ever since I became a bride-to-be, I have talked shop to complete strangers: traveller next to me on air planes, people in an professional development class I took, other future brides as we tried on wedding gowns, and even a waitress when I was asking for the bill (that was particularly awkward...I asked her opinion on the name of our burgeoning wedding web site, and she looked at me like I had lost my mind. Dan wanted to crawl under the dinner table). Yes, sometimes it's really helpful. My doctor, for one, recommended the band we're using, and the woman on the plane listed some bridal dress stores. In certain instances, it's just plain fun, watching strangers think back to their own nuptials before offering sweet tips. But other times, it's probably best to just give the waitress a tip, and keep her out of the wedding dialogue.

A Snapshot of the Crazy Cousins

2008-09-17T10:05:00.012-04:00

At our engagement party, I heard my dad yelling for me to come downstairs. I was fixing my hair and reapplying some lip gloss when he announced it's time for the cousins' picture. And so, I raced down stairs to join the ranks of the cousins, who were already assorted in age order. Luckily, it was easy for me to fit in. I am the oldest.

***

This cousins' photo began probably 15 years ago, when my six cousins, brother, and me--in chronological order from the date of our births--affixed ourselves on a sofa and smiled for a series of cameras, each held by an adoring aunt or grandmother. I was around 13, and my youngest cousin was 4. Over the years, relatives snapped a few other pictures of us eight cousins squeezed onto a couch (finding a seat got progressively harder to do as we got older). Even more photos survive of us at various stages of childhood, running through the Bethany Beach waves or eating creamy Vanilla Fudge at Candy Kitchen. It's been a while since the eight of us were all together. First off, Bethany Beach has gotten way too built up. The ocean waves are ridiculously overcrowded. Although it's probably more because each of us is searching, journeying, dreaming, and studying, and those activities usually involve some geographic dispersion. But it's nice that at times like an engagement party, all of us can find our place in the chronological line, ready to be photographed.

Happily Exhausted

2008-09-14T21:31:00.004-04:00

I sit here by my home computer, my eyes heavy with tiredness. I debated blogging tonight. I'm pretty exhausted, and not 100% mindful right now. But I wanted to capture the now, the raw emotion. So I sit and begin to write.
***
This weekend was our family engagement party, where relatives from both sides flew, drove, or trained in to celebrate our pending nuptials at my aunt and uncle's house last night. It was so wonderful. And when I just typed my last sentence, I felt frustrated. Wonderful doesn't capture it. Amazing. Touching. Unforgettable. There's something truly special celebrating with both the people I've known my whole life, and with the people I've grown so close to over Dan and my years together. And having them--Dan's family and my family--begin to form strong bonds with one another. So I'm signing off now, to relax and prepare the mundane after the sublime: Monday morning.

Planning Apart

2008-09-10T15:32:00.007-04:00

This post is the first in the series by guest writers, people whose wedding experiences and perspectives are different than my own. Read below to hear of my friend Jennifer's story planning her wedding with her groom-to-be was stationed overseas.

I recently returned from my baby brother’s wedding in Berkeley – he and his bride put on a very personal, personable event, and it was a joy to see him marry someone so unflinchingly right for him. He & I have always been close, and I’ve become good friends with his girlfriend – now wife – over the years as well. This was especially the case as we planned our respective weddings, as each of us did so solo while our future spouses were studying or stationed overseas during most of the planning phase. So seeing them bring their plans to fruition has naturally had me thinking again about my own wedding planning experience.

My husband proposed about four weeks before he left for a 5-month overseas rotation, and we got married a month after he returned. Was it easier making all of the decisions and arrangements more or less on my own? Yes. Was it harder? Yes. Did things go more smoothly having a single person as the sole performer of research, tester of cakes, designer of invitations? Yes. Was it also a rockier ride having no back-up? Yes. Did I feel close to him, attuned to the emotional import of the event, something to reflect our love for each other and our values? Yes. Did I feel like I was planning a wedding for one, something that was to meet a certain feel & vision (mine), regardless of its content? Yes. Did I love my role as planner? Yes. Did I resent it monstrously? Oh yes.

Let me explain. Very likely, these are poles that all prospective brides – and who knows, maybe grooms – shift between, one way or another; but the long distance factor certainly exacerbated them for me. Moving through the checklists & timelines focused my attention away from worrying about him, and the fact of the wedding was a very real reward looming at the end of my husband’s deployment. But at times, planning for it was also one more burden to bear while he was away, on top of his away-ness & the drudgeries of day-to-day life (“You mean I have to take out the garbage every week *and* plan this epic event?”). Phone calls were few & far between. Discussing wedding details & decisions was tremendously helpful sometimes, insofar as it turned our attention away from the difficulty of the instant (“This is hard – I miss you – are you safe?”) & toward something positive and light. Yet of course it also felt spectacularly shallow at times (“Riots, violence, whatever – I’m thinking that the flowers should be peachy-orange and soft green, not yellowy-orange”). It was a difficult balance to strike at times – consulting him & keeping him in the loop, yet not overburdening him with minutiae, and knowing when to move ahead even if I hadn’t had his input. (I’m not talking just aesthetic decisions, of course, but also financial questions, and potentially touchy issues of family politics – yow!) More important, and sometimes more difficult, was knowing when to not even touch on the wedding in a phone call or email, and simply ask what I could about his experiences, his concerns, the distressing or uplifting sight he may have seen that day.

Ultimately, I tried to bear in mind that working on our wedding in a reflective, meaningful way – planning the sort of event that we would both relish – was a concrete way of expressing my investment in our relationship at a time when I couldn’t necessarily invest in the usual ways. I’m positive that my husband appreciated it, because he said so often & enthusiastically, and because he loved what came out of that planning. But of course I’d be stretching the truth if I said I had this elevated mindset all of the time. Sometimes it was just fun – that giddy, intoxicating “O my god I just *love* this dress” feeling that is the sole purview of a bride-to-be, and sometimes just a pure and simple, well, pain in the ass.

Back to my brother & sister-in-law. During the course of many a wine-tinged phone call, she shared just these feelings about her own planning process with me (as I had with her). And they too had a lovely, quirky, memorable weekend of it – as do most brides & grooms, or so my experience has been. So being a long-distance bride is yes, a factor in how the wedding comes to fruition, but not so fundamental a one as knowing & loving your partner well, or bearing in mind the joyousness of the occasion.

Bananagramers

2008-09-09T11:41:00.005-04:00

On Sunday morning, Dan and I were back at Big Bear, eating bagels and drinking lattes. Only this time we had our new game with us: bananagrams. A word game similar to boggle or scrabble, all the letter tiles fit inside a yellow banana-shaped case. Sitting at the counter, we spilled all the letters out onto the hard wood, and turned them face down. (Yes, the barista was staring--but only because he was curious. Big Bear is one of those places where you really can whip out board games). After we each picked 21 words, we raced against each other to see who could create a group of intertwining words (like a scrabble board) the fastest. Each time one of us turned our letters into complete, coherent, dictionary-approved words, the person would shout "peal" and both of us would delve into the pool of letters and pick another tile. It's a fast-paced game, and so we were deeply concentrated on our tiles and seeing what words could be made out of them. Only occassionally we'd sip our stevia-sweetened drinks and take bites into our bagel-and-cream cheese sandwiches. It was a clear beautiful day, and even though we were inside, the giant windows gave us a great view of the outdoors. A perfect way to relax from all the wedding planning and just be.

Registration Exhilaration

2008-09-07T18:09:00.006-04:00

On a wet, rainy Saturday afternoon, I found myself inside a department store, debating between square and round griddles and other such conundrums. Eyes intently pealed, I was armed and ready--at a moment's notice--to aim the scanner at a certain target. When I would press the yellow button, the bright red scanning light would make contact with the bar code. A beeping sound would chirp when the scanner successfully uploaded the item's information onto our online registration. Whenever I heard that noise, I squealed. Finding each item and adding it to the registry has a sense of satisfaction. A decision made. I have to admit: in my three in-store registering sessions, plus a few more Internet browses, I've gotten quite the hang of it. Five months ago, I couldn't have named all the different pots and pans. Now I can describe the difference between nonstick, stainless steel, copper plated, and full out copper. After looking at a few types of napkin rings on my last venture, I've been noticing them everywhere...I'm sure they existed before, but my untrained eye couldn't pick them up.
***
Registering is creating a giant wishlist. It's practical--I often head to other people's when I am buying gifts. The online component makes it easier for both giver and recipient. It's also fun to roam around the store, choosing between different plates and picture frames. But as I was registering and in looking back on it today, I have a sense of nostalgia. Not for another event in which I registered, because there is no such event, but for when I was a young child and just the idea of presents was exhilarating. I remember, eagerly waiting to rip off multi-colored wrapping paper and see what gifts lay inside. The waiting period would start weeks, sometimes even months before, wondering what my parents would surprise me with. That time was pure anticipation, as I would try to guess what presents I would get. Registering has a more grown-up feel, not only the gifts themselves (I wasn't too into copper plated pots as a child), but the process of picking the presents. Both approaches are fun. But as I write this now, remembering that excitement of gifts as a child, a smile spreads across my face. A childish grin.

A Hairy Endeavor

2008-09-04T22:19:00.004-04:00

This weekend, as I was looking over the glossy pages of bridal magazines, a picture of one bride caught my eye. Her bridal costume was complete with her long, wavy-curly hair, pulled up half-way. Her hair was long, falling down to her shoulder blade. I liked the look. It was sharp and romantic at the same time. I glanced at my own curly locks after that viewing the page for a few moments. Hmmm. I could do this. My hair has never crossed past my shoulders--let alone shoulder blades--and for most of my adult life it's been more at my chin. Every few months I think to let it grow long, but as the thick waviness (re: unruliness)begins to creep toward my back, I get frustrated with managing it and call the hair dresser. But maybe now, I could grow it long! I've heard that once you get past the awkward length somewhere between the shoulder and shoulder blade, long hair is easier to style. So, I will try. Even if I don't go for the half-up cascading look, other brides have told me that longer hair equals more options come wedding day. One thing that will hopefully help me stick to this plan is that, post-wedding, I want to chop it back to chin length and donate my cut hair to Locks of Love, an organization that makes wigs for children who have lost their hair because of illness. I have wanted to participate in Locks of Love since my college days, but for reasons mentioned above, my hair has never reached the 10 inch minimum. Think I can do it?.....

Still Hearing the Music

2008-09-03T17:13:00.004-04:00

So, last night after I posted my entry, Dan and I did an extensive review of our the band's Web site. Even though it was closing in on 11:30 pm, we played some of their music on the computer, and starting dancing to the hits of the 80s, 90s, and today. Super exciting! It feels a little unreal, moving to the groove of your wedding band in your pajamas. Or sorting through band's repertoire of songs and when you know you have work the next day. After we turned off the computer and went to bed, I started thinking about how my wedding picture was emerging. Sure, right now we're in our PJs, dancing bearfeet, but before you know it, we'll be in our finest, dancing at our wedding, smelling the flowers we picked out and drinking the wine we ordered. And what's amazing is that even as the pieces get filled in, the parts come together, you'll never really know how it is until it's right in front of you! A wedding is not the sum of its parts...it's a whole new creation. It's scary and exciting because you don't know what to expect.

Musical Lessons

2008-09-02T14:02:00.004-04:00

So, good news: We heard a band we love. Or, should I say, Dan heard a band. The band search abounds with lessons learned, so read along with pen and paper in hand. It began around 6 weeks ago, when my parents recommended one musical ensemble for us to hire. Dan and I traveled to the 6th and I Synagogue to hear them play at a wedding. We liked them, but decided to look around. To be honest, I wasn't completely sure I wanted to scout out more options. The band would have been good. And with so many other things to think about--wedding-related and other--I thought, lazily, about giving up the search. But I'm glad we didn't. On Sunday night, Dan drove out to the boon docks to hear another band play (why I didn't come along is coming...keep reading), and called me from my girls-weekend away (aha! the reason. but wait. there's more.) to absolutely rave about their songs, their performers, and their performance that night. I was thrilled. And glad we weren't lazy. I was going to accompany him on this sojourn deep into Virginia territory, and Saturday night we were all set to go. I was even in one of my nicer dresses, as not to stand out as the one person not actually invited to the wedding, but just going along to hear the band. But as we went to enter the address into our beloved GPS system, we realized we had read the date wrong. It was actually Sunday. So, I went off with the girls for a relaxing bonding Labor Day, and Dan listened to the band play.

Flower Power

2008-08-29T14:13:00.005-04:00

On Monday, I was shopping at Trader Joe's during a lunch break. The flowers at the front of their store caught my attention, particularly the cheerful yellow petaled sunflowers. I bought a bunch of five, and put them in a glass vase right next to my computer. I was dealing with a major work deadline this week (the reason why I haven't posted a blog entry since Tuesday!), and whenever I needed a minute break from the article I was researching, I would stop and just put my nose to the flowers, taking a big sniff. (No, this post is not going to be about taking time to smell flowers, just wait!). It got me thinking about one of my next, more minor wedding chores: flower planning. Now that some of the big things are out of the way, I can turn my attention to the more detailed things. Details stress me, as my few other posts have discussed. The devil is in the details, people say. I think they stress me because while you can see a venue, taste the food, wear a dress, but you can't really imagine what one different decor detail will change about the overall ambiance of a wedding. But, inspired my sunflower purchase, I jumped online to look at a flower vendor a friend had used. Immediately, flowers got fun. Different bouquets, different colors, and the environmentally friend, female-owned shop even offered classes on how to design flower centerpieces. Sign me up! But not quite yet...I'm still enjoying my office sunflowers.

A Time to Learn and Grow

2008-08-26T09:15:00.003-04:00

As I sat on the deck of a New Hampshire lake house this weekend, listening to the lapping waters and feeling the warm sun beat down on me, I came across a unique challenge in the Ode magazine issue I was reading: write a six-word memoir. (See here for other people's short phrases. They are really amazing).I was intrigued. As a self-claimed rambler, a chance to explain my live in a mere six words seemed impossible, but I decided to try. And on the plane home, I was thinking of ways to chronicle my experiences in these strict parameters. My own winner is A Time to Learn and Grow, as indicated up above, but my drafts ranged from the geographic--From Prague to Japan to Home--to the yogic--Downward Dog, Sun Salutations, Triangle, Resting. And then there were variations on my winner--A Learning Experience, More than Anything. And of course, the wedding related: Finding a love, planning a life. It's a fun exercise, and gets you thinking about what's really important...and then how to condense these thoughts into six words.

Some of My Favorite Things

2008-08-21T11:17:00.003-04:00

Inspired by my coffee date entry, I have been thinking some more of my favorite small pleasures. Here they go, in no particular rational order: browsing through bookstores; soy lattes; The Sound of Music and other familar old movies that you can recite all the words; marathon phone conversations with out-of-town friends; sunflowers; the smell of freshly cut grass; vanilla fudge; nutella; old photo albums; summertime pedicures with cute sandals; Ugg boots in the winter; Tivo-ed Jeopardy; stir-fry tofu dinners; finishing a good book; a glass of water after a long run; yoga class; wearing a new shirt or pair of shoes to work; three-day weekends; a funny joke; a Redskins win; flossing my teeth before bedtime; libraries; sudoku; crossword puzzles; the Sunday paper; back rubs; Greek yogurt; sushi; wandering through Whole Foods; visiting family and friends; laughing until it hurts; leaves changing; flowers blooming; cloudless skies and 75 degree heat, with no humidity...These are some of mine. Agree, disagree? Add your own!!!

Missing Meditation

2008-08-19T15:22:00.004-04:00

So I didn't go to my standing meditation class last night. I had no reason, other than a general mixture of laziness and grumpiness. Call it the Monday blues. Sunday night I found myself in bed too late (11:45 PM). My alarm sounded not too long after that--6:20 AM--so I could get up for my early physical therapy before work. By the end of the day (which included a frustrating experience of leaving my wallet at home. I only realized this fact while trying to buy groceries at Trader Joe's for dinner last night) I was a bit tired and grumpy and not up for a meditation class. The prospect of silent sitting seemed more daunting than usual. But now I'm not sure why. Maybe I wanted to distract myself from my feelings of frustration, rather than acknowledging them and try to move on. Maybe I felt I would be more productive at home, playing with my blog, balancing my checkbook, and going to Whole Foods (this time with my wallet.) to buy ravioli for dinner. Whatever the reason, I didn't go....And today, I miss it. I miss that time to myself, to try to relax my wandering, meandering mind. To focus on nothing but my breathing. Recognizing my thoughts and slowly letting them go. So, I am going to try to meditate on my own this week...something I've never done before...

A Visual Aid

2008-08-17T21:52:00.006-04:00

So, today, after much online searching and dress appointments, I picked out my nuptial attire. I won't go into the details of the dress so that it is a surprise come wedding day but I am thrilled about the outfit! Absolutely thrilled! And a part of me thought I'd be sad to no longer go to the stores and consider all sorts of dresses, I'm really mostly excited that I found one that I love (Plus, a little relieved. It does tire after a while). It feels now that I can visualize the wedding coming into some focus. In Rebecca Mead's book, brides often pick out their dresses first, and I can understand why. It's fun, of course, and unlike a guest list or dinner menu, you can choose it all on your own (Even though weddings, and marriage really, are about planning together, occasionally autonomy is nice). But when you try it on, you can REALLY see yourself as you will look on your wedding day. (Of course, today I rolled out of bed, hopped in the shower, sipped coffee at Java House next door, then headed out with my mother to the dress store. On my wedding I imagine the getting ready steps may be a bit more elaborate. But you get the point). I looked in the three-sided mirror, and a bride looked back at me.

A Coffee Date

2008-08-17T19:27:00.005-04:00

This weekend, on Saturday morning, Dan and I ventured to a new coffee shop by the name of Big Bear. We sat there for nearly two hours; I read my Rebecca Mead wedding book and he pored over Time magazine and the newspaper. It was a beautiful morning, sunny and cloudness but not humid, to enjoy a soy latte and bagel and cream cheese. That's one thing Dan and I love to do: find a coffee shop on the weekends (since our apartment doesn't have much in the way of outdoor seating), sit, relax, people watch, read the paper, glancing up to tell one another some interesting tidbit from the news or our own observations. From this Saturday in particular, we caught a glimpse of a DC celebrity as Mayor Fenty came in after us to order breakfast. Maybe not the most glamorous activity (the coffee date, that is, not Mayor Fenty. Seeing him was pretty cool), but as much as life is about the big moments--the weddings and whatnot--it is also about the lazy Saturday mornings, the soy lattes and newspaper reads.

Forget Perfect

2008-08-14T08:48:00.006-04:00

According to Rebecca Mead, many brides aspire for the absolute perfect wedding day. Perfection is a stress-inducing word. What is perfection anyway? To amend an old adage, perfection is the eyes of the beholder. Every guest might have different expectations about what the ideal wedding could be. For some, a more classic approach is how to go. Others would have it no other way than a beachside wedding with 20 attendees. Learning to let go of everyone else's thoughts is one part of forgetting perfection. But my wedding may also not completely reflect my own idealized version of it. The appetizers may not be as plentiful or varied as I had envisioned, or the flowers may not be the exact shade I had in mind. The list could go on. Some of these are completely out of my control: my cross-country friend may not be able to catch a pricey flight, or my next-door neighbor could have a work emergency...and so they both can't make it. Other things--like the appetizers and flowers I mentioned--could be in my control, but as wedding day approaches, I realize I don't have the time, money, and energy to devote to each individual task and have to prioritize the more important ones. And maybe some main dish or dessert or whatever is perfect to me, but Dan wants a different option. So we compromise, meaning that neither of us has perfection, but we both have things we like a lot. Another abridged saying may be: Nothing's perfect, so why should your wedding be any different?

Some Reading Material

2008-08-12T21:47:00.010-04:00

Yesterday after work, I went somewhere I hadn't been in a while: the public library. Over the weekend I realized that I hadn't read a book since my vacation over a month ago. What can I say, I've been busy blogging (and working and wedding planning). Plus, I have a newfound obsession with sudoku. This craze began while relaxing on my said vacation in Belize, relaxing by the pool with pen in hand, thinking of what numbers will fit in which boxes. But even as I advanced from beginner to moderate sudoku puzzles, I began craving a good book to curl up with in bed. So I went to the library. One book I checked out was Rebecca Mead's One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding, which I opened last night. I was tempted to get another wedding related book, but decided to go with a novel instead. I need some balance. The Selling of the American Wedding is an exploration of why weddings have become such a commercial production...not the most cheerful reading for someone about to throw such an event. But she is a very talented writer, with great attention to detail and a crisp way of articulating her points. So I got into my bed early to read about the wedding industry. And even though the book doesn't have as much of that cozy feeling that a novel might, I found myself intrigued with learning more about this business (more blog posts will go into more detail later...I've only started the second chapter). One thing of note already: this is a business, with different retailers vying for your dollars. Sure, easy enough to realize. But another thing entirely to not be pushed by overeager salespeople. It's their job, their livelihood, but it's our choice.

Some Friendly Ears

2008-08-11T11:10:00.003-04:00

This weekend, I did a lot of chatting: a long phone conversation Saturday, a relaxing ramble over Sunday brunch, or a squealing session as I shopped for wedding dresses with a friend (and found a real winner, I am pretty sure. more later). At times, the chats turned to the wedding planning--how it was going and how I felt about the whole process. As I sat down last night to watch the Olympic gymnasts on TV and to read the Sunday paper, I was thinking about friendships. How it is so nice to go on and go with friends about my thoughts on wedding planning--I could pick their brains when I wanted to, but there was never an element of judgment in their voices. And they seemed excited to hear me talk about it. I am careful not to tell everyone and their mother's cousin about our wedding--because these details may not enchant those who aren't directly involved--but when a friend is interested, it can be fun, helpful, and a bit stress relieving to discuss all my plans and confide some of my fears like tripping down the aisle. From my friends, I get the sense that it's not necessarily the all the wedding details that hold their interest, it's how I relate to these details. And that's what keeps me talking.

Oh, Where to Go?

2008-08-08T19:48:00.005-04:00

So, here's a fun question: Where to honeymoon? (See my survey at right to actually answer this question). I realize it's a little premature, as we are still at the beginning at this wedding planning process. But we both are avid travelers, and the excitement of even thinking about travails in a far off land is intoxicating. Because we're planning to head off shortly after the big to-do, we're definitely building some R&R time into the honeymoon. But we'll both want to do some exploration too, whether it's sightseeing around a big city, or finding some ecotouristic adventures on the sea or in the mountains. I don't know how the "honeymoon" came to be, but I really like the idea of a couple adventuring together, alone, after tying the knot. Not only because I have an omnipresent travel bug, or because I may need to unwind after planning a wedding, but really because a honeymoon can, in a way, symbolize what a life-long commitment is: a journey together. A honeymoon also reminds me of the Jewish tradition where the bride and groom take 10 or 15 minutes after the ceremony to be alone. Just like these few postnuptial minutes, a honeymoon is a chance for the couple to spend some isolated time together, before celebrating life with everyone they hold dear!

I Walk the Line

2008-08-06T14:16:00.005-04:00

Right now I have the image from the movie "Fiddler on the Roof" when Tevye belts out the tune "Tradition!" Right now, I am wading through a lot of cultural norms about weddings--and boy, are there a lot--and picking which ones I want to honor and which ones don't seem to fit with me. Or which ones I want to tweak to fit me. For all brides and grooms, where to draw the line is a personal, and difficult, choice. Example: I didn't have a problem with Dan buying me an engagement ring, even though it could be seen as a modern-day dowry (I know, really taking one for the team here!!!). But rather than my father giving me away, I want both my parents escorting me down the aisle. I'm not set on a bouquet toss, but do like a walk down the aisle in a white dress. As I plan this big event, there is a societal pressure to have the wedding featured in the magazines, with all the associated bells and whistles. It's important for me to tell myself that Dan and I can have whatever wedding we want, we can think about the traditions and choose what we want.

Writer's Block

2008-08-05T10:34:00.013-04:00

So I have a case of writer's block. I've entertained a few blog post ideas, but I keep deleting, or saving the drafts for future use. It's the 21 century equivalent of crumpling up scribbled white paper and throwing the balls into the trash can. Writer's block is frustrating. I deal with it at work sometimes, also, as I sit at my desk thinking of how to put together stories. Only now, with this blog, I have to think of ideas and then write them, where usually at work at least the ideas are laid out. Sometimes, an event I went through or a conversation I had or just a random thought I had out of nowhere turns into a blog entry. But sometimes nothing comes. Or when some idea does appear, I start writing, but realize that these words are not really describing what I'm trying to say. And so I delete and look at an intimidating blank screen. I'm realizing that blogging can be hard work. I could just not write, I do have that option. But I have become a bit attached to my cyber diary. And when the ideas spark, when words come together, and blog entry begins to resemble my thoughts inside, it's an exciting feeling. But drawing a blank will be part of the process too. And tonight, I am not sure what I want to write.

Enjoying the Ride

2008-08-04T09:21:00.002-04:00

Yesterday morning over spinach omelets and Belgian waffles, Dan's cousin asked me if I was enjoying planning the wedding. I paused a second. To be honest, I don't love event planning. While some people thrive on putting all the pieces of a party together, all these pieces sometimes overwhelm me. Also, my discerning powers aren't fabulous. For example, last week when I was trying on wedding dresses, I loved almost every one. But, as weird as this may sound, I am learning to enjoy the ride. I am learning to focus on one element--like the dress--at a time, but still keep the larger picture in perspective. This process has taught me a lot about myself--how even though the process can be hard, watching it come together can have the same feeling as cooking a meal, only this meal is slightly more expensive and takes about a year longer to make. Like a meal, a wedding is the adding of flavors and spices, the stirring, the heating and cooling, and then the sense of accomplishment when your plate is all dished up. Planning a wedding has opened my world, literally--I am now an active member in the blogosphere. I've also seen some negative sides of me poke through...how sometimes I stress too much about things beyond my control, or in other instances how I acquiesce too easily before considering all options. Good and bad, I'll take them all, as I keep discovering what a ride wedding planning will be.

Dress Obsessed

2008-08-01T14:38:00.007-04:00

Last night I took another look at wedding dresses. Unlike the first time I went, I actually had a clue of what I wanted--and the sales woman actually listened to me. Without giving too much away to my future husband (and avid blog reader), I found two styles that I really liked. Two styles completely different from each other. I didn't buy anything, but I really began to home in on what I am looking for. Which is more than half the battle, I think. And, really, I've said it before, but it bears repeating: Wedding dress shopping is so much fun. It's almost like you are transported to a world of silk, satin, and lace for an hour. It's dress-up for adults. But, before whipping out a credit card and making a purchase, mindfulness is key. Even as I pranced around excitedly in the gowns, trying on sashes and shimmery belts (which are very in these days, apparently, and actually pretty cute), I was trying to keep in mind "Do I really want this one? Can I see myself getting MARRIED in it? Is an extra few dollars worth it? Is it too dramatic, and will I feel too center stage?" Of course, these questions make the process a bit longer, but really I have the time, it's a fun experience, it certainly can't hurt to time an extra few seconds asking some mindful questions. Getting married has its stresses, but so far, dress shopping has not been one of them. In some ways, I don't want it to end!

What's for Dinner?

2008-07-30T14:34:00.005-04:00

It's a question I get asked at least once a day by my loveable finance, who never has been one to "wing" a meal. In our years together--and especially in the year living together--the division of labor has happened organically, based on each of our interests and skills. Dan, who never misses a wrinkle when ironing shirts, has taken over laundry duty. He also has an extra "neat" gene, so it's more likely you'll find him vacuuming the floors. I, on the other hand, love to watch a meal come together and so have become the unofficial chef in the relationship. When I see my clothes nice and neatly folded, I know my cooking is worth the effort. But sometimes in the middle of the day, when I'm plugging away at work, I suddenly realize I have no idea what's for dinner. A slight panic rushes in. In my few post-college years, I've assembled a small repertoire of dishes, but still, finding something fun, interesting, healthy, and nutritious to cook--that appeals to both of us--can seem like a daunting task. I've thought more than once that this is karma for when, as kids, my brother and I used to complain about whatever dish my mother served up--there was nothing wrong with the meal, it was just fun to whine about it. Somehow, though, an answer always appears. Whether it's something I find at the Trader Joe's right next to work, Dan pitches in on a day when I'm just exhausted, I brainstorm with a friend on cooking ideas, or we just decide to splurge and eat out, I can usually figure something out. And when we sit down to a nice meal at the dinner table (OK, sometimes we eat on the sofa while watching DVDs of The Wire or LOST), I'm glad I toiled over a hot stove.

Ode to Ephie and Leens

2008-07-29T10:35:00.008-04:00

Eighty-five years ago today, my grandfather Ephie was born. Unfortunately, he and his better half, my grandmother Lenor (aka "Grandma Leens") passed away some years ago, so I haven't been able to share with them my excitement in finding a life partner. Every rose has its thorn, as the old song goes, and even times of great celebration are tinged with a sadness when you remember those people who are no longer here. But as I've mentioned before, missing people can be a sweet sadness. And there are plenty of wonderful things to miss about my grandparents--how my grandmother used to wait in the hallway outside their apartment after we'd called from the lobby to tell her we were coming up for a visit, or the sweet-and-sour meatballs she'd always make for us because she knew how much everyone, especially my dad, loved them. And always being able to tell someone how she really felt. (Something I appreciate more and more as I realize how my fear of confrontation can sometimes cause problems) And for my grandfather, it was sharing with us his (mostly) original quotations of love and life, all printed up on 3 by 5 inch index cards. Or, if I go back earlier in my childhood, giving us 20 words and paying us a dime for every definition we copied from the dictionary. Or letting us pick a ceramic owl from his massive collection. But more than anything, I miss how they were always there for each other throughout my grandfather's long battle with MS. It's something I miss, and also admire as I embark on a life-long commitment.

WHAT? You're Doing That?

2008-07-28T21:22:00.003-04:00

Judging is easy. And when something seems unfamiliar or strange, there is a guilty pleasure associated with criticizing it. A wedding could be the ultimate Judgment Day, people looking at your flowers, your dress, and the menu you choose and thinking "Oh, I would never choose this." These thoughts can be almost subconscious and hard to avoid. And while the judgment scares me a bit, I have come to some peace with it over the last two months. As long as the wedding reflects what Dan and I and a few other VIPs want, then it really doesn't matter what other people think. Of course, I HOPE people like it, but appeasing to everyone's taste is a tall order. But as a guest at many weddings in the next year or two, I'm really trying to incorporate this non-judgmental attitude. Knowing now how much time, work, and money goes into a wedding is making me think twice before criticizing someone else's effort.

Life Right Now

2008-07-25T10:36:00.003-04:00

Part of this blog's purpose is to capture what this whole engagement process is like, so that in 30 years I can revisit this time in my life. But I haven't really articulated what my everyday life is like. So here it goes: Dan and I life in a cosy, two-bedroom D.C. apartment. I like to call it shabby chic, a loveable place where the heat only broke down once this winter. We both walk to work, and there are days where we barely cross out of the zip code. The aroma of freshly ground coffee from the small cafe across the street tempts us to stay there and read the newspaper on Saturday afternoons. We shop at a Safeway commonly known as the Soviet Safeway because forget about getting produce on Tuesday nights--better to wait for the new shipment on Wednesdays. But we can always splurge on Whole Foods. OK, there's more than food, I promise. Tranquil Space is my favorite local yoga studio, where I often go for my down-ward dogs, shoulder stands, and plank poses, as well as a bit of peace of mind. The metro takes me pretty much where I want to go; otherwise, I have to catch a ride with Dan, because I sold my car and haven't learned to drive a stick shift yet. There's more than that, of course, but hopefully that paints a picture for all of you readers, and for me when I flip back.

A Restless Mind Is OK

2008-07-23T15:57:00.005-04:00

On Monday, I went to my third night meditation class. The whole day long, I was looking forward to spending some time by myself on my cushion. Once I got there, the teacher said that when you find yourself drifting, just label it "thinking" and move on. I had a lot of "thinking" moments, where my mind seemed to move away from my breath and I started pondering about all sorts of things, mostly work and wedding. But being able to label it as such, without any feelings of punishment or wrongdoing, was really helpful. It reminded me of how I can label themes in this blog. Just a very matter-of-fact, conscious action of saying "OK, I am thinking now." And then I could move on. Of course, thoughts would arise again, but there were a few moments of stillness, where all I thought about was the breath. Those moments were great. But perhaps a more important lesson I took away was not to beat myself up if my thoughts drifted. Just acknowledge and go back to the breath, leaving that middle part about blaming yourself out of the equation.

A Matter of Trust

2008-07-22T19:06:00.002-04:00

It's more than just a Billy Joel song. Having trust that the wedding will go smoothly is important for me right now. Sure, there's a lot to do, from the big parts like securing a venue to the more minor, detail-oriented tasks such as choosing color schemes, table charts, and songs for the band to play. But it can be a lot more overwhelming if you don't trust yourself and other people helping you plan the big day. And to some degree, even if you double check everything, some things are out of your control. You just have to close your eyes, cross your fingers, and make a leap of faith. Hopefully the lead band singer won't have a cold, the flower shop won't close down, and there's no snow storm in the middle of June. In some ways, a wedding seems like marriage itself. When deciding whom to marry, you can consider all of his or her good qualities, the pros and cons, predict how that person might be like in 20 years, but eventually you need to make a leap of faith. You won't know what the future holds, what surprises might come, but you trust yourself and your partner that being together is the right decision. And that not being together feels wrong somehow.