There is an "I" in Marriage

Marriage, or any long-term relationship, involves two people. And throughout that relationship, they share, compromise, argue, agree, and form some sort of union. Although being part of a team is really important, it's not enough. To have a mindful marriage you should be strong all on your own. That means having interests outside the other person, managing if he or she is away for a long work trip, and sometimes meeting up with friends on a Friday night instead of staying in with your spouse. (Or, in Dan's case, playing poker with the guys while I catch up on Grey's Anatomy). It's hard. When you spend a lot of time with someone, you can miss them easily, even if they're gone for just a few days. But instead of wishing them back quickly, take some time to acknowledge your feelings--missing people can be a sweet thing too--and take advantage of some alone time. Being a piece of a couple is a great feeling. But so is being yourself.

So, I'm Marrying a 30-Year Old

As this title implies, today is Dan's 30th birthday. And I'm not too far behind. This picture is from his birthday fiesta last Saturday night, where he and I and some good friends celebrated the three-decade mark. Thirty can be scary because it's always been associated with the beginning of adulthood, throughout society and literature. And what is adulthood, really? Is it when falling asleep early on a Friday night after an exhausting week at work seems a lot more appealing than hitting up the bars? Or when you start looking to buy a home and matching pots and pans? And, of course, moving forward with careers. But as the two of us emerge into this grown-up world, having an inner, light-hearted child inside is more important than ever. And it's not mutually exclusive. We can look at china patterns, think about our future together, while laughing at silly jokes and even making it out to the bar one night!

Attention for the No-Attention Queen

I really don't like all eyes on me. I've never been a huge fan of public speaking, although a college course did help out some. As the bride, I have to realize that everyone will be looking at my new husband and me as we walk down the aisle, stand under the chuppah, exchange wedding bands, and then dance the night away. The attention makes me nervous. What happens if I trip over my dress and everyone stares? Or, less damaging but more likely, my face turns a bright crimson, my eyes well up and my mascara blurs, and my legs shake uncontrollably. Thankfully there's waterproof make-up, but the other solutions are a little harder to find. Relax, stay calm, I'll have to think. Breathe. One friend told me that she had similar fears, but when she saw her finance walking down the aisle, things fell into place. And I guess I must ask the rhetorical 'What's wrong with a little emotion, anyway?' It is my wedding day, after all! But still, Dan and I have mostly eliminated some attention-grabbing moments, such as long first dances, big introductions, and a bouquet toss.
Personal nerves aside, a wedding is an inclusive event, where families and friends meet, mingle, and hopefully make strong bonds. I hope everyone at my wedding feels a bit of personal attention, whether it's in a conversation with a new friend or a slow dance with a lifelong spouse.

Learned Mindfulness

Today, in the scorching D.C. heat, I sat outside at Nationals game for three hours. And they lost! But it was still a fun time, the seats were great on the first row of the first base line. And even though I am not a huge baseball fan, I always am entranced by the cheering of a stadium crowd. As I watched the star athletes hit, catch, pitch, and run, a thought ran through my head: They are acting mindfully. As I saw an outfielder manage a grounder, I saw him pause a second. He was debating whether to go for the more difficult out at second base--thus, eliminating someone closer to scoring position--or the easier out at first. He chose the easy out, because in this case, it wasn't worth the risk of getting the out at second base. But I saw that even in a game where a runner can get to a base in a matter of seconds, the player took his time. No doubt he wasn't born with an innate ability to think for a second before deciding which play to make. Professional athletes spend years and years training, and probably within that time they learn to take a moment before making plays. They learn to scan the field, see the whole picture, weigh risks, and then make decisions. From my understanding, that's mindfulness. And it's learned. Not overnight. But over years. I don't have years to plan my wedding, but I do have 11 months to learn to plan it mindfully. And years later to have a mindful marriage and life

All Dressed Up

So, I have begun the wedding dress search, which everyone says is just the best part of the wedding planning process. I agree. Two weekends ago, I had an official appointment at a wedding dress store in Georgetown. Although none of the dresses were a perfect fit for me, it was so much fun prancing around in silk and satin. When I tried them on, I tried to imagine myself walking down the aisle in one, the picture is a bit blurry. Even though we have a place and a date--and I can envision the spiral staircare that I will (carefully) walk down--it still seems unreal. Even as the details come together, will the wedding ever feel real until its actual day? Or is it more of a gradual thing? When each piece of the wedding picture gets set, the whole pie feels more and more like you can see, taste, and smell it. And then when the day comes, it's just a totality of all your efforts.

Just A Second Here

I just have a moment here. After my initial excitement earlier this week, things have calmed down a bit. And I am thinking I have a little reprieve before craziness piles up again. Last night I finished my soduku, went to yoga, had fafalel and a goat cheese salad for dinner, and went to bed early. It was nice. Being engaged ultimately doesn't change who I am. It's not like one day I woke up a completely different person....

Simma Down Now

Last night it seemed that all the major details were aligning...for the same day! The rabbi, caterer, venue, and band were all available. I found myself bouncing around my apartment, letting the bridezilla in me come out at last. At 11pm, I couldn't contemplate sleep, so I started reorganizing my all my wedding notes and emails, jotting down ideas, looking over some of the bridal dresses I had admired online. But then a gradual reality check crept in. I have work tomorrow. It's 11:30 and I still haven't washed up, let alone finished the sudoku I'd been working on. The wedding is still 11 months away, and while it's so important to relish the thrills, the moments where things all seem like they're coming together, it's also necessary to find moments of peace, of relaxation...and be able to sleep comfortably.