Just A Second Here

I just have a moment here. After my initial excitement earlier this week, things have calmed down a bit. And I am thinking I have a little reprieve before craziness piles up again. Last night I finished my soduku, went to yoga, had fafalel and a goat cheese salad for dinner, and went to bed early. It was nice. Being engaged ultimately doesn't change who I am. It's not like one day I woke up a completely different person....

Simma Down Now

Last night it seemed that all the major details were aligning...for the same day! The rabbi, caterer, venue, and band were all available. I found myself bouncing around my apartment, letting the bridezilla in me come out at last. At 11pm, I couldn't contemplate sleep, so I started reorganizing my all my wedding notes and emails, jotting down ideas, looking over some of the bridal dresses I had admired online. But then a gradual reality check crept in. I have work tomorrow. It's 11:30 and I still haven't washed up, let alone finished the sudoku I'd been working on. The wedding is still 11 months away, and while it's so important to relish the thrills, the moments where things all seem like they're coming together, it's also necessary to find moments of peace, of relaxation...and be able to sleep comfortably.

Peace on the Cushion

Last night I went to one of my first meditation classes. In the midst of Dupont's busy 17th St, I stayed still for 3o minutes or so, noticing my breath and my body. It was weird--at times my feet felt really cold, but the rest of my body was burning up. Not sure what to make of that--but that's the point exactly. Just notice, not analyze or judge or wonder. I've been thinking about meditating for a while. I practice yoga, which some could say is meditation on the mat. Meditation, it seemed, could be a way to deal with my everyday stress, coupled with the fact I am now planning a huge lifecycle event. It was hard. Thoughts about the wedding, work, what to eat for dinner, what to do over the weekend, even how to describe my meditation experience in my blog raced through my head. It's hard to meditate.

More on Mindfulness

I admit, I am a mindful beginner. But when wedding plans seemed out of control, I started thinking about this seemingly simple mindset and began trying to incorporate some of its concepts as I organized my big day. I opened my old copy of Wherever You Go There You Are to a page about not expecting all things to be calm and easy, but to able to roll with the surprises. The chapter, in fact, was titled "You Can't Stop the Waves, but You Can Learn to Surf." While there are some elements you can control as you plan your wedding, you can't control the fact that you'll need to make a lot of decisions--each with a hefty price tag--and some of which won't appeal to everyone. It's better to tackle each decision and any associated consequences head on, than wishing they would go away and resolve themselves.

Rabbi Searching

There are times when you just know something's a fit. Today it was the rabbi. On a friend's recommendation, we went to see a conservative rabbi at a nearby shul. He was warm, friendly, and said something I really liked (I am paraphrasing here): "A wedding is great, but a marriage is more important." So we got into the details of our families, and our good and bad qualities. Nothing about the wedding per se, which somehow relieved me. Discussing what marriage could be made me more excited about planning a wedding because it would be our first step as a married couple. It also made me less anxious about the overflooded industry, because if you can see past that (and I am still trying to), you don't have to worry if every little detail. You have the marriage. In other words, I got some perspective today.

Engaged!

When my finance Dan asked if he could turn out the light at 5:00 AM, I begrudgingly agreed, but pulled the blanket over my eyes to return to sleep. When he nudged again, I saw a red jewelry box opened to a shiny ring. It took a second, but then I shrieked. He was proposing, I was yelling in excitement, and we were both smiling ear to ear. It was a moment I'll never forget....Now, there's the wedding. Fulled with making big decisions where a lot of money is involved, making guests happy, digesting an industry flooded with everything from designer cake, chair covers, china patterns. For someone who's prone to stress and lack of decision-making, it can be really overwhelming. So i am trying to breathe easy, relax, and enjoy the process.

New Things

Great writers have said that to see newness, you don't need a new environment, just fresh eyes. I get the point, but having just been exposed to a fascinating new landscape--Egypt--I can't help but question that mentality. I was there for two weeks, where I saw women in scarves and burqas, the great pyramids scraping the sky, minerets of mosques punctured throughout Cairo, underwater fish and coral in the Red Sea, and a croweded but nonetheless peaceful sunrise atop Mt. Sinai. Experiences like that cannot help but change you, long after your plane drops you off at home and you put your pictures in a shutterfly album. There are some things you appreciate more, like the taste of fresh bread and people speaking English and traffic-free (relatively, anyway) streets. But then there are things you miss--like the sense of adventure, putting on the scuba gear with a nervous energy bubbling in your belly, finding a cute coffee shop within Cairo's populated quarters.