Learned Mindfulness

Today, in the scorching D.C. heat, I sat outside at Nationals game for three hours. And they lost! But it was still a fun time, the seats were great on the first row of the first base line. And even though I am not a huge baseball fan, I always am entranced by the cheering of a stadium crowd. As I watched the star athletes hit, catch, pitch, and run, a thought ran through my head: They are acting mindfully. As I saw an outfielder manage a grounder, I saw him pause a second. He was debating whether to go for the more difficult out at second base--thus, eliminating someone closer to scoring position--or the easier out at first. He chose the easy out, because in this case, it wasn't worth the risk of getting the out at second base. But I saw that even in a game where a runner can get to a base in a matter of seconds, the player took his time. No doubt he wasn't born with an innate ability to think for a second before deciding which play to make. Professional athletes spend years and years training, and probably within that time they learn to take a moment before making plays. They learn to scan the field, see the whole picture, weigh risks, and then make decisions. From my understanding, that's mindfulness. And it's learned. Not overnight. But over years. I don't have years to plan my wedding, but I do have 11 months to learn to plan it mindfully. And years later to have a mindful marriage and life

All Dressed Up

So, I have begun the wedding dress search, which everyone says is just the best part of the wedding planning process. I agree. Two weekends ago, I had an official appointment at a wedding dress store in Georgetown. Although none of the dresses were a perfect fit for me, it was so much fun prancing around in silk and satin. When I tried them on, I tried to imagine myself walking down the aisle in one, the picture is a bit blurry. Even though we have a place and a date--and I can envision the spiral staircare that I will (carefully) walk down--it still seems unreal. Even as the details come together, will the wedding ever feel real until its actual day? Or is it more of a gradual thing? When each piece of the wedding picture gets set, the whole pie feels more and more like you can see, taste, and smell it. And then when the day comes, it's just a totality of all your efforts.

Just A Second Here

I just have a moment here. After my initial excitement earlier this week, things have calmed down a bit. And I am thinking I have a little reprieve before craziness piles up again. Last night I finished my soduku, went to yoga, had fafalel and a goat cheese salad for dinner, and went to bed early. It was nice. Being engaged ultimately doesn't change who I am. It's not like one day I woke up a completely different person....

Simma Down Now

Last night it seemed that all the major details were aligning...for the same day! The rabbi, caterer, venue, and band were all available. I found myself bouncing around my apartment, letting the bridezilla in me come out at last. At 11pm, I couldn't contemplate sleep, so I started reorganizing my all my wedding notes and emails, jotting down ideas, looking over some of the bridal dresses I had admired online. But then a gradual reality check crept in. I have work tomorrow. It's 11:30 and I still haven't washed up, let alone finished the sudoku I'd been working on. The wedding is still 11 months away, and while it's so important to relish the thrills, the moments where things all seem like they're coming together, it's also necessary to find moments of peace, of relaxation...and be able to sleep comfortably.

Peace on the Cushion

Last night I went to one of my first meditation classes. In the midst of Dupont's busy 17th St, I stayed still for 3o minutes or so, noticing my breath and my body. It was weird--at times my feet felt really cold, but the rest of my body was burning up. Not sure what to make of that--but that's the point exactly. Just notice, not analyze or judge or wonder. I've been thinking about meditating for a while. I practice yoga, which some could say is meditation on the mat. Meditation, it seemed, could be a way to deal with my everyday stress, coupled with the fact I am now planning a huge lifecycle event. It was hard. Thoughts about the wedding, work, what to eat for dinner, what to do over the weekend, even how to describe my meditation experience in my blog raced through my head. It's hard to meditate.

More on Mindfulness

I admit, I am a mindful beginner. But when wedding plans seemed out of control, I started thinking about this seemingly simple mindset and began trying to incorporate some of its concepts as I organized my big day. I opened my old copy of Wherever You Go There You Are to a page about not expecting all things to be calm and easy, but to able to roll with the surprises. The chapter, in fact, was titled "You Can't Stop the Waves, but You Can Learn to Surf." While there are some elements you can control as you plan your wedding, you can't control the fact that you'll need to make a lot of decisions--each with a hefty price tag--and some of which won't appeal to everyone. It's better to tackle each decision and any associated consequences head on, than wishing they would go away and resolve themselves.

Rabbi Searching

There are times when you just know something's a fit. Today it was the rabbi. On a friend's recommendation, we went to see a conservative rabbi at a nearby shul. He was warm, friendly, and said something I really liked (I am paraphrasing here): "A wedding is great, but a marriage is more important." So we got into the details of our families, and our good and bad qualities. Nothing about the wedding per se, which somehow relieved me. Discussing what marriage could be made me more excited about planning a wedding because it would be our first step as a married couple. It also made me less anxious about the overflooded industry, because if you can see past that (and I am still trying to), you don't have to worry if every little detail. You have the marriage. In other words, I got some perspective today.