Flower Power

On Monday, I was shopping at Trader Joe's during a lunch break. The flowers at the front of their store caught my attention, particularly the cheerful yellow petaled sunflowers. I bought a bunch of five, and put them in a glass vase right next to my computer. I was dealing with a major work deadline this week (the reason why I haven't posted a blog entry since Tuesday!), and whenever I needed a minute break from the article I was researching, I would stop and just put my nose to the flowers, taking a big sniff. (No, this post is not going to be about taking time to smell flowers, just wait!). It got me thinking about one of my next, more minor wedding chores: flower planning. Now that some of the big things are out of the way, I can turn my attention to the more detailed things. Details stress me, as my few other posts have discussed. The devil is in the details, people say. I think they stress me because while you can see a venue, taste the food, wear a dress, but you can't really imagine what one different decor detail will change about the overall ambiance of a wedding. But, inspired my sunflower purchase, I jumped online to look at a flower vendor a friend had used. Immediately, flowers got fun. Different bouquets, different colors, and the environmentally friend, female-owned shop even offered classes on how to design flower centerpieces. Sign me up! But not quite yet...I'm still enjoying my office sunflowers.

A Time to Learn and Grow

As I sat on the deck of a New Hampshire lake house this weekend, listening to the lapping waters and feeling the warm sun beat down on me, I came across a unique challenge in the Ode magazine issue I was reading: write a six-word memoir. (See here for other people's short phrases. They are really amazing).I was intrigued. As a self-claimed rambler, a chance to explain my live in a mere six words seemed impossible, but I decided to try. And on the plane home, I was thinking of ways to chronicle my experiences in these strict parameters. My own winner is A Time to Learn and Grow, as indicated up above, but my drafts ranged from the geographic--From Prague to Japan to Home--to the yogic--Downward Dog, Sun Salutations, Triangle, Resting. And then there were variations on my winner--A Learning Experience, More than Anything. And of course, the wedding related: Finding a love, planning a life. It's a fun exercise, and gets you thinking about what's really important...and then how to condense these thoughts into six words.

Some of My Favorite Things

Inspired by my coffee date entry, I have been thinking some more of my favorite small pleasures. Here they go, in no particular rational order: browsing through bookstores; soy lattes; The Sound of Music and other familar old movies that you can recite all the words; marathon phone conversations with out-of-town friends; sunflowers; the smell of freshly cut grass; vanilla fudge; nutella; old photo albums; summertime pedicures with cute sandals; Ugg boots in the winter; Tivo-ed Jeopardy; stir-fry tofu dinners; finishing a good book; a glass of water after a long run; yoga class; wearing a new shirt or pair of shoes to work; three-day weekends; a funny joke; a Redskins win; flossing my teeth before bedtime; libraries; sudoku; crossword puzzles; the Sunday paper; back rubs; Greek yogurt; sushi; wandering through Whole Foods; visiting family and friends; laughing until it hurts; leaves changing; flowers blooming; cloudless skies and 75 degree heat, with no humidity...These are some of mine. Agree, disagree? Add your own!!!

Missing Meditation

So I didn't go to my standing meditation class last night. I had no reason, other than a general mixture of laziness and grumpiness. Call it the Monday blues. Sunday night I found myself in bed too late (11:45 PM). My alarm sounded not too long after that--6:20 AM--so I could get up for my early physical therapy before work. By the end of the day (which included a frustrating experience of leaving my wallet at home. I only realized this fact while trying to buy groceries at Trader Joe's for dinner last night) I was a bit tired and grumpy and not up for a meditation class. The prospect of silent sitting seemed more daunting than usual. But now I'm not sure why. Maybe I wanted to distract myself from my feelings of frustration, rather than acknowledging them and try to move on. Maybe I felt I would be more productive at home, playing with my blog, balancing my checkbook, and going to Whole Foods (this time with my wallet.) to buy ravioli for dinner. Whatever the reason, I didn't go....And today, I miss it. I miss that time to myself, to try to relax my wandering, meandering mind. To focus on nothing but my breathing. Recognizing my thoughts and slowly letting them go. So, I am going to try to meditate on my own this week...something I've never done before...

A Visual Aid

So, today, after much online searching and dress appointments, I picked out my nuptial attire. I won't go into the details of the dress so that it is a surprise come wedding day but I am thrilled about the outfit! Absolutely thrilled! And a part of me thought I'd be sad to no longer go to the stores and consider all sorts of dresses, I'm really mostly excited that I found one that I love (Plus, a little relieved. It does tire after a while). It feels now that I can visualize the wedding coming into some focus. In Rebecca Mead's book, brides often pick out their dresses first, and I can understand why. It's fun, of course, and unlike a guest list or dinner menu, you can choose it all on your own (Even though weddings, and marriage really, are about planning together, occasionally autonomy is nice). But when you try it on, you can REALLY see yourself as you will look on your wedding day. (Of course, today I rolled out of bed, hopped in the shower, sipped coffee at Java House next door, then headed out with my mother to the dress store. On my wedding I imagine the getting ready steps may be a bit more elaborate. But you get the point). I looked in the three-sided mirror, and a bride looked back at me.

A Coffee Date

This weekend, on Saturday morning, Dan and I ventured to a new coffee shop by the name of Big Bear. We sat there for nearly two hours; I read my Rebecca Mead wedding book and he pored over Time magazine and the newspaper. It was a beautiful morning, sunny and cloudness but not humid, to enjoy a soy latte and bagel and cream cheese. That's one thing Dan and I love to do: find a coffee shop on the weekends (since our apartment doesn't have much in the way of outdoor seating), sit, relax, people watch, read the paper, glancing up to tell one another some interesting tidbit from the news or our own observations. From this Saturday in particular, we caught a glimpse of a DC celebrity as Mayor Fenty came in after us to order breakfast. Maybe not the most glamorous activity (the coffee date, that is, not Mayor Fenty. Seeing him was pretty cool), but as much as life is about the big moments--the weddings and whatnot--it is also about the lazy Saturday mornings, the soy lattes and newspaper reads.

Forget Perfect

According to Rebecca Mead, many brides aspire for the absolute perfect wedding day. Perfection is a stress-inducing word. What is perfection anyway? To amend an old adage, perfection is the eyes of the beholder. Every guest might have different expectations about what the ideal wedding could be. For some, a more classic approach is how to go. Others would have it no other way than a beachside wedding with 20 attendees. Learning to let go of everyone else's thoughts is one part of forgetting perfection. But my wedding may also not completely reflect my own idealized version of it. The appetizers may not be as plentiful or varied as I had envisioned, or the flowers may not be the exact shade I had in mind. The list could go on. Some of these are completely out of my control: my cross-country friend may not be able to catch a pricey flight, or my next-door neighbor could have a work emergency...and so they both can't make it. Other things--like the appetizers and flowers I mentioned--could be in my control, but as wedding day approaches, I realize I don't have the time, money, and energy to devote to each individual task and have to prioritize the more important ones. And maybe some main dish or dessert or whatever is perfect to me, but Dan wants a different option. So we compromise, meaning that neither of us has perfection, but we both have things we like a lot. Another abridged saying may be: Nothing's perfect, so why should your wedding be any different?

Some Reading Material

Yesterday after work, I went somewhere I hadn't been in a while: the public library. Over the weekend I realized that I hadn't read a book since my vacation over a month ago. What can I say, I've been busy blogging (and working and wedding planning). Plus, I have a newfound obsession with sudoku. This craze began while relaxing on my said vacation in Belize, relaxing by the pool with pen in hand, thinking of what numbers will fit in which boxes. But even as I advanced from beginner to moderate sudoku puzzles, I began craving a good book to curl up with in bed. So I went to the library. One book I checked out was Rebecca Mead's One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding, which I opened last night. I was tempted to get another wedding related book, but decided to go with a novel instead. I need some balance. The Selling of the American Wedding is an exploration of why weddings have become such a commercial production...not the most cheerful reading for someone about to throw such an event. But she is a very talented writer, with great attention to detail and a crisp way of articulating her points. So I got into my bed early to read about the wedding industry. And even though the book doesn't have as much of that cozy feeling that a novel might, I found myself intrigued with learning more about this business (more blog posts will go into more detail later...I've only started the second chapter). One thing of note already: this is a business, with different retailers vying for your dollars. Sure, easy enough to realize. But another thing entirely to not be pushed by overeager salespeople. It's their job, their livelihood, but it's our choice.

Some Friendly Ears

This weekend, I did a lot of chatting: a long phone conversation Saturday, a relaxing ramble over Sunday brunch, or a squealing session as I shopped for wedding dresses with a friend (and found a real winner, I am pretty sure. more later). At times, the chats turned to the wedding planning--how it was going and how I felt about the whole process. As I sat down last night to watch the Olympic gymnasts on TV and to read the Sunday paper, I was thinking about friendships. How it is so nice to go on and go with friends about my thoughts on wedding planning--I could pick their brains when I wanted to, but there was never an element of judgment in their voices. And they seemed excited to hear me talk about it. I am careful not to tell everyone and their mother's cousin about our wedding--because these details may not enchant those who aren't directly involved--but when a friend is interested, it can be fun, helpful, and a bit stress relieving to discuss all my plans and confide some of my fears like tripping down the aisle. From my friends, I get the sense that it's not necessarily the all the wedding details that hold their interest, it's how I relate to these details. And that's what keeps me talking.

Oh, Where to Go?

So, here's a fun question: Where to honeymoon? (See my survey at right to actually answer this question). I realize it's a little premature, as we are still at the beginning at this wedding planning process. But we both are avid travelers, and the excitement of even thinking about travails in a far off land is intoxicating. Because we're planning to head off shortly after the big to-do, we're definitely building some R&R time into the honeymoon. But we'll both want to do some exploration too, whether it's sightseeing around a big city, or finding some ecotouristic adventures on the sea or in the mountains. I don't know how the "honeymoon" came to be, but I really like the idea of a couple adventuring together, alone, after tying the knot. Not only because I have an omnipresent travel bug, or because I may need to unwind after planning a wedding, but really because a honeymoon can, in a way, symbolize what a life-long commitment is: a journey together. A honeymoon also reminds me of the Jewish tradition where the bride and groom take 10 or 15 minutes after the ceremony to be alone. Just like these few postnuptial minutes, a honeymoon is a chance for the couple to spend some isolated time together, before celebrating life with everyone they hold dear!

I Walk the Line

Right now I have the image from the movie "Fiddler on the Roof" when Tevye belts out the tune "Tradition!" Right now, I am wading through a lot of cultural norms about weddings--and boy, are there a lot--and picking which ones I want to honor and which ones don't seem to fit with me. Or which ones I want to tweak to fit me. For all brides and grooms, where to draw the line is a personal, and difficult, choice. Example: I didn't have a problem with Dan buying me an engagement ring, even though it could be seen as a modern-day dowry (I know, really taking one for the team here!!!). But rather than my father giving me away, I want both my parents escorting me down the aisle. I'm not set on a bouquet toss, but do like a walk down the aisle in a white dress. As I plan this big event, there is a societal pressure to have the wedding featured in the magazines, with all the associated bells and whistles. It's important for me to tell myself that Dan and I can have whatever wedding we want, we can think about the traditions and choose what we want.

Writer's Block

So I have a case of writer's block. I've entertained a few blog post ideas, but I keep deleting, or saving the drafts for future use. It's the 21 century equivalent of crumpling up scribbled white paper and throwing the balls into the trash can. Writer's block is frustrating. I deal with it at work sometimes, also, as I sit at my desk thinking of how to put together stories. Only now, with this blog, I have to think of ideas and then write them, where usually at work at least the ideas are laid out. Sometimes, an event I went through or a conversation I had or just a random thought I had out of nowhere turns into a blog entry. But sometimes nothing comes. Or when some idea does appear, I start writing, but realize that these words are not really describing what I'm trying to say. And so I delete and look at an intimidating blank screen. I'm realizing that blogging can be hard work. I could just not write, I do have that option. But I have become a bit attached to my cyber diary. And when the ideas spark, when words come together, and blog entry begins to resemble my thoughts inside, it's an exciting feeling. But drawing a blank will be part of the process too. And tonight, I am not sure what I want to write.

Enjoying the Ride

Yesterday morning over spinach omelets and Belgian waffles, Dan's cousin asked me if I was enjoying planning the wedding. I paused a second. To be honest, I don't love event planning. While some people thrive on putting all the pieces of a party together, all these pieces sometimes overwhelm me. Also, my discerning powers aren't fabulous. For example, last week when I was trying on wedding dresses, I loved almost every one. But, as weird as this may sound, I am learning to enjoy the ride. I am learning to focus on one element--like the dress--at a time, but still keep the larger picture in perspective. This process has taught me a lot about myself--how even though the process can be hard, watching it come together can have the same feeling as cooking a meal, only this meal is slightly more expensive and takes about a year longer to make. Like a meal, a wedding is the adding of flavors and spices, the stirring, the heating and cooling, and then the sense of accomplishment when your plate is all dished up. Planning a wedding has opened my world, literally--I am now an active member in the blogosphere. I've also seen some negative sides of me poke through...how sometimes I stress too much about things beyond my control, or in other instances how I acquiesce too easily before considering all options. Good and bad, I'll take them all, as I keep discovering what a ride wedding planning will be.

Dress Obsessed

Last night I took another look at wedding dresses. Unlike the first time I went, I actually had a clue of what I wanted--and the sales woman actually listened to me. Without giving too much away to my future husband (and avid blog reader), I found two styles that I really liked. Two styles completely different from each other. I didn't buy anything, but I really began to home in on what I am looking for. Which is more than half the battle, I think. And, really, I've said it before, but it bears repeating: Wedding dress shopping is so much fun. It's almost like you are transported to a world of silk, satin, and lace for an hour. It's dress-up for adults. But, before whipping out a credit card and making a purchase, mindfulness is key. Even as I pranced around excitedly in the gowns, trying on sashes and shimmery belts (which are very in these days, apparently, and actually pretty cute), I was trying to keep in mind "Do I really want this one? Can I see myself getting MARRIED in it? Is an extra few dollars worth it? Is it too dramatic, and will I feel too center stage?" Of course, these questions make the process a bit longer, but really I have the time, it's a fun experience, it certainly can't hurt to time an extra few seconds asking some mindful questions. Getting married has its stresses, but so far, dress shopping has not been one of them. In some ways, I don't want it to end!