Today is...

the day. the big day. the wedding day. the day that we've been planning for more than a year, that i've been blogging about for days and weeks and months. the day i've been anticipating is finally here. i feel good. i feel great. excited. a bit nervous. but mostly excited. this morning, after sleeping at my parents' house, i woke up early and practiced yoga for about 40 minutes with my friend hannah. the day is beautiful, and the sun crept in through the windows as we centered ourselves in downward dogs and found balance in our tree poses. after yoga and a bit of breakfast, i hopped in the shower and drove off with my mother to elizabeth arden, where my hair was styled and make up brushed on. i just finished lunch and wanted a moment to blog, to be mindful of the day, to remember how i felt, what i did, the day i got married. everyone has been telling me the wedding day goes so fast, that you turn around and you're married. so i take a moment now to cherish the day, and promise to absorb every minute (or most minutes anyways). promise to relax, not worry about any detail, and embrace the day that i have been waiting for.  

Climbing Mount Fuiji

When I was in Japan, toward the end of my time there, I climbed Mt. Fuiji. I hesitated about the hike, worried that it would be too challenging for an unexperienced climber such as myself. And I had heard from many people that Mt. Fuiji was best seen from afar, not close up. And indeed, catching glimpses of this distant, magical mountain from my kitchen window was breathtaking. But the trek up...I wasn't so sure! Nevertheless, I decided to climb it. I was nervous, and not sure how to prepare. I ended up completely overpacking, stuffing everything from shorts to snow pants into my large climbing pack that was meant for adventures that lasted much longer than the one-day and one-night hike up and down the mountain. The overpacking did me more harm than good, as I had to lug it up and down the climb. The hike was hard. But memorable. I remember, in the dead dark of night, facing a particularly steep section with two friends. We each had a flashlight (mine was a headlight, so I had my hands free although I looked a little stupid in the pictures), and literally took the section step by step. Both of my friends weren't American, but had seen Gone With the Wind and were asking me for a Civil War history lesson. I did my best to remember the Gettysburg Address and Reconstruction and so on. Sure enough, we got to the top, and then trekked back down again. It was hard, but it was an amazing, amazing journey.

Craziness

Today, when I was telling a coworker about my upcoming wedding, she said I was so calm considering its immediate proximity. I took it as a compliment, but didn't really believe her. The wedding, I feel, has consumed me. It has taken me whole, swirled me up in the air. I feel like a piece of melted taffy, bending to the whims and desires of this friendly beast. But it's ok, I think, because I look calm on the outside! And until now, I have been (relatively) crazy-free, at least in respect to the wedding. Now, I dream wedding, I eat wedding for breakfast, I think wedding even when I am trying to do pleasure reading, I talk wedding to friends, family, strangers, storekeepers, colleagues...anyone who will lend half an ear. I write wedding in my blog. It has usurped me. Days go by, inching up to the big day. I don't have a calendar where you rip a page off every day, but that's how I feel. I haven't quite calculated how many days it is to W-day, but each morning I wake up and think, "I am one day closer."

What's Left?

That's the new question. Several people have been asking now, "Well, all the planning must be done, right?" I laughed at first--how can everything be done? It doesn't seem like everything will be done until, well, the wedding is over. Sure, I'm not planning on finalizing the seating chart on menu options right before I head down the aisle, but it's hard to imagine the wedding being done before it even starts. But then I think again. A lot has been planned, mapped out, even executed. The place has been reserved, the flower arrangements decided, the food selected, the music vendor picked (although we need to figure out what they'll play), the invitations sent, the DC marriage license secured. Dan has a new suit, I have a new dress, and we both have new bands. Sometimes, when I stop to think about what has happened in the year since we became engaged, my heads spins with unbelievability. So, when people say "It's almost all done right?" I guess it is, when you take a moment to look back. But when I look forward, I think "No, we still have a wedding to go to!"

I'm back

So, I've been a neglectful blogger. Between a new job, a wedding weeks away, it's been hard to find a minute to relax. And when I do, sometimes I want to retreat far away from the wedding thought process. Plus, I put In Treatment on my Blockbuster access queue, and now I am hooked! I've been so neglectful, that I couldn't even remember what the last topic was that I blogged about. But when I logged in this time, and saw that it was "Who's Coming?", I thought "that's perfect." Because between then and now, I have a much better answer. There are have been some surprises either way--some conflicts we didn't know about stopping a few from attending. But there also have been people, who live far away and though we hoped, we didn't think would come. Perhaps the biggest case is my Japanese co-workers, from my days abroad teaching English. Just over the weekend, we learned that in fact one teacher was making the long trip across the Pacific to watch us get married. Today, I found out that another teacher would also be in attendance. I can't tell you how honored I feel that people would travel so far, to a different country 10,000 miles away, to come to our wedding. Truly, truly honored. And as I finish off this e-mail and head to bed, I wonder if there is another reason why my blog posts have been more infrequent than in days past: it's becoming harder and harder to find the right words to describe my feelings. But, as a writer by day and night, I'll try to find the best way to articulate the prewedding intensity!

Who is Coming?

That is the question I ask myself everyday--and my parents, as I continue to call them with this very question on my way home to the metro from work. Who has written their response, sealed the envelop and dropped it in the mail, to arrive at my parents' house a day or three later (depending, of course, on geographic proximity to Washington). At first, the responses were pouring in. One day, we even had nine, which my parents brought to me (it happened to also be the first day of Passover, so they were here for our sedar) and I eagerly ripped open, excited to see who could come, or who had to decline. But after the early flood, the responses have been slower. A few days, there haven't been any. Ususally, though, it's one or two, sometimes more. We're in the mushy middle of the May 5 response deadline, I fear. Cinco de mayo isn't exactly around the corner (everything is relative at this point. At the near end of the wedding planning, there is a ton to accomplish between today and tomorrow), so within the few days, even week, I imagine the slow steady trickle to continue. Then, as with any deadline--for work, school, or play--the pace will pick up, the number of envelopes pushed through my parents' door will skyrocket. And the answers, the yeses and the nos, will be known.

Say Cheese

Last Saturday, on a quintessentially perfect Washington spring day, Dan and I got some engagement photographs taken. As part of the photographer's package, we had a "casual shoot" at the National Arboretum. With the sun shining high in the clear sky and the air filled with the smell of purple lilac, we tried to act natural as the photographer skillfully captured us walking, talking, laughing and kissing (she told us to!!). It felt a little awkward at first to be the focus of the photographer's lens, but slowly we got used to it. Like I said, the stunning environs helped put us at ease. The pictures came out great. And it got me thinking, how cameras can just hold a moment so well, long after the day has passed. I think that's partly why people invest so much in wedding photography, the pictures last a lot longer than the eight hours a wedding does. And so, I've gotten more of an appreciation for photos, and their ability to keep things alive. Last night, my friend Andrea was telling me about her own burgeoning photography and flickr site, making me want to buy my own nice camera and capture everything.

Breathing Lessons

As wedding energy pumps up, I take a minute to slow down. Things, I feel, are going at a whirlwind pace. Everyday, I wonder who else has RSVPed, everyday the to-do list gets updated, with items checked off and new tasks to tackle. It's tough to stay calm. I feel the wedding that was once more than a year away growing closer and closer. I don't feel behind, or disorganized, or worried. These final days are just a ton of balls in the air, though. The devil is in the details, and boy are there a lot of devils. But you know what else is coming more into focus: the rest of my life! My life past the wedding, with its catered food and music and dancing and family and friends. Just this week, I was looking at the calendar for the rest of the year (trying to figure out vacation days for the honeymoon), and Dan and I were talking about a September trip to Chicago for a friend's wedding and the High Holidays. It's a comforting feeling, knowing that there really is life after wedding, because with all the planning and focus on that big day, sometimes I lose track of that fact. And so, as the day draws nearer, I am trying to remember to breathe deeply, enjoy the final days of planning, and look forward to the big event and the many other big events thereafter.

Mindful Twittering

As time trickles down toward the wedding (less than two months to go...I can't believe it), I thought I might need something in addition to the blog to update my readers on the latest nuptial news. Time is more limited now, and things are happening faster. In fact, just today, my mindful groom ordered our wedding bands (as in the rings, not the music) and dropped off information necessary for our marriage certificate. The details have sprung into action--no longer is it "find a venue for the reception" but "start doing seat assignments." We've hired a caterer, but now we need to decide between yakitori or citrus marinated salmon fillets. For cupcakes--vanilla or chocolate? Mango or raspberry sorbet? Traditional or modern ketubah? The planning stage is more intense, more fast-paced, but I am trying to remember to relax, to have fun with the details, and to twitter about them. So check me out on my new twitter site: www.twitter.com/mindfulbride. But don't worry, I'm still a mindful blogger, too!

Who's Coming?

Now, the exciting part begins: getting the RVSP notes. We had the responses sent to my parents' house, so almost every day I call them, begging them to tell me 1) how many of the off-white, self-addressed envelopes returned to them 2) what the letters inside said. And so, one or the other of them finds the mail, sorts out the response cards, and reads each message out loud to me. More often than not, Dan is in the background, and I convey my parents' message to him. I purposely left the response card blank--a tip I learned from a bridal magazine--to encourage creative responses from our guests. So far, their poignant witticisms haven't disappointed me. What did disappoint me was yesterday, when none of the responses came in the mail. I actually felt sad, and both Dan and my dad told me, "That's it. There are no more guests coming." Fortunately, that's not true, because four more "yeses" arrived in the mail today. I spoke to my mother at 8pm to get the latest update. And, as I prepare for sleep, I only wonder what I'll learn tomorrow.

Meaning in Matzah

2009 is just full of firsts: last night, Dan and I hosted an inaugural sedar. A small sedar, but a sedar nonetheless, complete with horse radish, haroset (the delicious apple and nut concoction), matzah, and all the other traditional Passover delicacies. We passed over the standard brisket in favor of chile-rubbed salmon fillet topped with an avocado pineapple salsa. My parents came over, bringing the ever popular matzah ball soup, some wine, and chocolates for dessert. It was a small, cozy sedar honoring the importance of freedom and liberation, and as we read the prayer book, one line stayed with me. "Every generation must find freedom for itself." I am sure this line can be interpreted several ways, but on the eve of my wedding (I'm speaking figuratively here...it's not literally tomorrow), I was thinking that every person must carve his or her own path as they grow up. They should have the freedom to choose their job, their home, their hobbies, their friends, and their life partners. The choices aren't always easy, and like the leavened bread we forego for eight days, they come with certain sacrifices. But in the end, these choices help define who were are.

Please RSVP By...

The invitations arrived. A square shaped piece of paper, with Elissa and Daniel written in big silvery gray cursive letters at the top. (A whimsical, slightly less formal cursive). The text below is in the same font and color, only smaller. The whole invitation is framed with a one-eighth inch of the same silvery gray hue. If you turn the invitation to its back side, it is a solid silver gray. I think they came out beautifully, if I do say so myself. Last week Dan and I spent the evenings stuffing the invites, placing the invitations ever so delicately inside the silver-lined envelope. In another process, we stuffed directions, parking information, and a response card inside the response envelop, which we then added to the larger invitation envelope. Then came stamp time. Rather than affix an ugly $1.00 stamp to each envelope, I splurged for two, much nice $.42 and $.59 stamps (price $1.01). Then, with everything glued, stuffed, inserted, Dan dropped them off, where they'll travel all across the world.

Surprise!

This morning I woke up, and thinking of my long wedding to-do list, I nudged Dan out of sleep. "Dan" I said. "You know what we should do?" "What" he replied sleepily. "We should just get married TODAY!" "What?" he repeated. I went on to recite the nuptial-related errands, everything from mailing out invitations to finalizing the menu to picking out the wedding-day attire. "I am not saying we shouldn't have THAT wedding, but wouldn't it be so nice just to already be married, so when June 7th comes around, we can relax, knowing that we are already hitched," I explained, excited growing in my voice. We could get married today. We could go to sleep tonight husband and wife. Dan sat up in bed, thinking for a second. "It's an intriguing plan," he said. "Do you think the rabbi could come on such short notice?" I hesitated. Like most rabbis, ours is over-extended and always busy. Getting him to come with no advance warning was more or less impossible. But sure enough, he had a cancelled appointment, and was able to squeeze our ceremony in. Keeping with tradition, I wore a white skirt and matching top; Dan put on his favorite black corduroy blazer with the suede elbow patches, a crisp white shirt, and dark gray slacks. The event happened so quickly, in such a blur, that I really can't remember much else. Except the date: April 1st!!!

A New Pet?

On my way to work this morning, I abruptly stopped in front of the newspaper stand. A picture on the front page of the paper had begged my attention. It was a baby leopard, born at the national zoo. Unbelievably adorable, this precious ball of orange and black fur pulled at my heart strings like only newborn animals can do (I was overwhelmed with emotion when I saw pictures of little Tai Shan, the panda born three years ago). Early yesterday, two leopard cubs were found alive--the first time in 16 years!

Chocolate Mojitos

After the shower, I collapsed on my apartment couch for a blissful 30 minutes. I awoke and rushed to a clock to check the time. It was 7:10! Dinner started at 8pm, and I had was supposed to arrive at Dan's sisters' hotel room at 7:15 for a make-up touch up. I quickly changed into my bachelorette party attire--a simple, short black dress and tall black boots, adorned with green dangling earrings and a green shawl. I made it to the hotel by 7:30, and with no time for make-up, Dan's sisters, cousin and I hopped in a cab to the restaurant, Coco Salas. Chocolate mojitos are their signature drink, and I had one in hand quite soon after I arrived. It was delicious. The green mint flakes fluttered in the drink, which was topped with dark chocolate shavings. I was given a pink feather boa, a tiara that said "Bride to Be," a garter, and some other bachelorette items, and soon the food came out, one dish at a time.

The scrumptious mac and cheese tart, the portebella mushroom pizza, and my favorite--the goat cheese and beet salad--were all quickly devoured, along with the mojitos. Sixteen of us girls were out on the town, and the group of us sipped and ate, laughed and talked, (some) took shots, caught up with old friends, and just celebrated a night out! Occasionally, a stranger would come up to me and offer his or her congratulations. I would look puzzled for a moment, and then remember between my boa and tiara, the fact I was on my way to marriage was all too clear!

Minutes Become Moments

I felt a burst of excitement as my parents' house filled with family and friends from every stage of my life. On the eve of spring, I admired people's light pink skirts and royal blue dresses. The kitchen was filled with bite-sized goat cheese, chive, and cucumber sandwiches; cranberry scones topped with blackberry jam; and creamy mini cheesecakes drizzled with chocolate sauce. After chit chat and nibbling, my shower guests formed a circle formed to watch me unwrap my shower presents. My grandmother was to my right, handing me a knife to open the more unruly boxes and a glass of water to keep me hydrated. My future niece Ashley sat on the floor, almost as excited as I was for each gift. She diligently made sure every piece of wrapping paper went into a white trash bag, while her cousin, two-year old Yael absorbed the whole shower experience with wide-eyed curiosity. My shower was on Saturday, smack in the middle of a fun-filled bachelorette weekend. Yesterday afternoon, as most of the out-of-town relatives and friends had flown home, I sat in a pedicure chair, relaxing as my feet got pampered. I read an article on mindfulness, and the piece begged people to make minutes into moments. To be aware of everything around you at a given point, to relish and savor that time. The shower was most definitely a moment.

Hello, Again

Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I posted on mindful bride. I missed it. I was busy, well, wedding planning! And finishing up some work assignments. But rather than go into any of that right now, I wanted to discuss a meditation workshop I attended last weekend. It was a four-hour affair, complete with several guided sitting meditations, some walking and slow movement meditations, and finally, the most relaxing thing ever--laying down meditation. The course was challenging, especially the sitting ones. I felt my legs grow numb from the lack of circulation, my mind wandering off to all sorts of other topics, and my shut eyes begging to open up and take in the whole world around them. Meditation isn't easy. We had a 15-minute break before the second half of the workshop, and once we returned we entered the laying down meditation. Laying down has its own challenges--namely, not falling asleep--but I found it the most peaceful experience. Closing my eyes, relaxing my body, I didn't think about work, or wedding, or anything else. I just lay. I don't know how long I was there, but when I reentered reality, I felt so calm. I took note of that feeling, and remember it when the world around me gets stressful.

Four Lists Become One**

This weekend, we put our finishing touches on our guest list. Dan and I are on the edge of the millennial generation, a generation not known for snail mail correspondence or staying in one place for too long. So tracking down addresses was difficult. And as people who grew up with spell check--a tool with miminal functionality for editing a list of names and cities--we had to carefully review all the facts with our naked eye. But we persevered and created a beautiful Microsoft Excel document with all our invitees listed alphabetically. Looking through it was pretty amazing: family I've known my whole life, friends from childhood and ones I've met more recently, my parents' friends who I grew up with, family and friends of Dan's that I've gotten to know so well over the last four plus years, and then a few people I haven't met yet but heard lots of stories about--like Dan's uncle in South Africa and his father's racket ball partner. And so, with the "i"s literally dotted and "t"s crossed, we are sending the list to the invitation vendor, who will somewhat magically return them, sealed and addressed, back to us for mailing.
**title created by mother of the bride

The Dress Has Arrived

As it often is, my cell phone was packed away in my purse yesterday so I didn't hear its vibrations. But as I was walking home from work, I saw the missed call. An unidentified Northern Virginia number. Hmmm, who could that be? Then, in an instant, I realized: It was about the dress! It had arrived at Tysons Corner, a suburban shopping center.And sure enough, when I listened to the voicemail, my instincts were right on. It was in! Excitement rushed through my body. Yay! Now, here comes the fittings and adjustments and tying up the loose ends, literally. I am still deciding exactly how to wear my hair and style my make-up, but instead of worrying about it, I am excited for my wedding look. I'm consulting friends, magazines, and my devoted hair stylist. Sure, I know it's a little silly to think about my appearance so much for just one day, but it's really one of the few times I feel comfortable letting myself slightly obsess.

In Like A Lion

So March is my birthday month BUT it's kinda awful right now. My 25-minute trek to work was, well, miserable. The biting winds, the patches of ice---no, no, no! Shouldn't spring be on its way already? Shouldn't the buds be sprouting up on the naked trees? I know I said last time that snow had a calming effect--clearly I didn't know what I was talking about. A calming situation would be me on a beach with a pina colada in hand. In warm weather! But what can you do, except drink hot tea, wear warm clothes, and complain a bit on your blog. And constantly reapply the hand lotion, because as soon as I apply, the skin absorbs the moisturizer like quicksand and begs for more. But then, as I write and vent, I remember that if March is in like a lion, surely it's out like a lamb, as the elementary school saying goes. And I say that not only as a prayer for good weather on my wedding day, but as a reminder that even if the going is rough at times, sooner or later the wind stops blowing, the trees have rich green leaves, and the sun shines brightly on a 70 degree day. And my fruity cocktail is waiting for me.

Snowfall

The weather forecasters said it would happen, but I didn't believe them. Last night was mere flurries, more ice than snow itself. But nothing was accumulating on the streets. When the flakes fell on the pavement, they simply vanished. Something changed overnight, because when I woke up and peered out the window, the streets and cars outside were blanketed in soft white snow. Flakes were (are) still falling from the sky. Again, I think about how snow follows me. Yesterday was my birthday, and just as with my birth and Bat Mitzvah, I was greeted with snow. Last night I was annoyed with the snow, frustrated that it would make all the errands I have to do today more difficult. But as I was going to sleep, I closed my eyes and saw snowfall. The flakes dropping diagonally with the wind had a soothing effect on me, as I drifted into sleep another year older. I was content with the falling of the snow, happy it was falling now and not in three months.

Croatia and Paris, Here We Come!

The tickets are in our hands (proverbially speaking of course...they really exist as electronic documents in Dan's email inbox). Our honeymoon travel plans are set! Dan, with his undying patience, navigated through muddy waters and difficult customer service agents to use frequent flier miles to buy our plane tickets. And so, we are off. Well, in a few months we'll be off. We both love traveling, and with the tickets in our possesion (again proverbially), excitement is bubbling up inside. A vacation! A chance to visit a new country, lay on the beaches, walk in the national parks, wonder through the cities, and, for at least part of the time, do nothing and have no cares in the world. And, as an added bonus, our flight has a day layover in Paris on the front end. We've both been to Paris--the last time for me was in 2004, where I strolled in the art musems, ate hazelnut crapes on a sideway cafe, and bought a fabulous, fuchsia colored, watering can shaped purse (I now have two). Paris is dubbed the most romantic city in the world, and while I am not to usually one to fall for cliches, the idea of stepping foot in it as a newlywed is truly enchanting (Although I haven't forgotten the other cliche that rang true about Paris when I was there--people are rude!). Regardless, we are going!!

Perfection's Overrated!

When I was younger and learning to needlepoint on a small netted canvas with a pattern of a flower, I was judicious about making sure my yellow stitches matched up with the yellow petal painted on the fabric. If my yellow yarn ventured outside of the petal's lines, I quickly undid the stitch. My grandmother, who was teaching me, encouraged me not to worry if I didn't follow the pattern exactly. Any mistakes I made, she said, would make my needlepoint truly my own. I think about that story often as we plan our wedding. A perfect wedding is depicted in the movies and in the wedding magazines. But with so many details juggling in the air, perfection seems unattainable. And honestly, mistakes can be underrated. Like the mistaken stitches on the needlepoint, little problems can make a special day unique. At my Bat Mitzvah, Washington, D.C. was hit with a massive snow storm. Whiteness covered the city for a week. Flights were cancelled. Roads were impassible. Guests were unable to attend. Chairs sat empty. The band couldn't play, so we brought in a boom box (I think that's what they were called then) and my 17-year old friend with good taste in music filled in as DJ. In some ways, it would have been better without the snow, with the band and missing guests. But it's more memorable, more unique this way.

25 Things

So, as anyone who has been on Facebook in the last week or so can attest, the "25 random things" lists are running wild, where people scribble down the most interesting, unique, factoids about themselves. The trend is so intense that an article in the Washington Post came out, dismissing this nonsense and calling it a self-absorbed activity. In protest, I ask "What's wrong with a little self-focus every once in a while?" So I've been thinking about my list, and decided that instead of Facebook, I'd post it here (items are in no particular order):


1. I love blogging (obvi). The combination of writing about something that's interesting to me, using electronic technologies, and getting informal feedback on my entries is exhilarating


2. If I had to choose between blistering summer humidity and freezing winter weather, the heat would win every time


3. I spent two years in Japan, sampling all sorts of culinary dishes and now have an undying love for most Asian foods


4. I love words, letters, sentences. I always underestimate the power of the written word.


5. I love packing up my bags and heading out on a foreign adventure. I wish I could travel more


6. Yoga keeps me sane and balanced. My time away because of an injury was incredibly frustrating


7. Humor is my defense mechanism. I joke when I am nervous and upset.


8. I hate confrontation, but usually whenever I have one, it's much better than it seems


9. I am starting to take up biking. Now all I need is a bike.


10. I can be awkward at times (and then make awkward jokes, per #7)


11. My favorite minor splurge is a pedicure where I can sit in a massage chair and let all the cares in the world disappear. I love it! Plus, you can choose bolder nail polish colors for your feet than your hands.


12. I hate olives, but love olive oil.


13. I am marrying someone who does not appreciate fine cheeses. The fact that I was able to accept this *flaw* must mean it's true love


14. I was worried about planning our wedding, but actually I've enjoyed the process a lot more than I thought I would. The details have not consumed me, and my creative juices are flowing.


15. There is no vegetable I don't like. Try me.

16. I love inside jokes, and then trying to explain them to an "outsider" and they look at me like I am crazy. My brother and I have this tonsilitis joke that I have tried to explain Dan so many times and he still doesn't get it!

17. I am extremely emotional.

18. My favorite flower is a bright yellow sunflower. I am convinced sunflowers have an instant "cheer up" quality

19. I have a very hearty laugh, which I love to use. I have been known to fall down to the floor laughing (ask anyone who was at the 2005 pubs dinner in Orlando).

20. Mangoes are my favorite fruit, although I hate when they are underripe. A juicy mango is a real treasure.

21. Yogurt is my favorite food as a whole. I have probably have one a day.

22. I can stroll in bookstores for hours, remembering the good books I've read and getting ideas for future reading endeavors

23. Same with sitting at coffeeshops. I can sit, sip a warm drink, and read a book or the newspaper, play bananagrams, or just talk with a good friend

24. I have an abundance of cardigans. Off the top of my head, I have three gray, two black, two cream, one green...the list could go on

25. Honestly, this was a lot harder than I thought. It took me several days to think about all the random things about myself. Am I not that random?

Thoughts on Valentines

So, I know, I'm a little late. I'm four days behind in writing about the romantic holiday known as Valentines' Day. I was apart from Dan, who is still in South Africa, and traveled to Richmond to spend time with my friend Eileen and her husband (yes, I intruded on their V-day. It was great! They insisted they didn't mind, and I believe them). Until recently, I never liked the holiday. I think because I remember never having a Valentine during most of my awkward teenage years. So even when Dan and I started dating--and I knew I'd have a Valentine--I half-heartedly embraced the holiday. I bought him a card, he gave me flowers, and we'd usually spend the night at the gym or a yoga studio. But recently, I've begun to appreciate the holiday a bit more. Perhaps my adolescent bitterness has mellowed like a fine wine. I like watching men on the metro on February 14th, holding a bouquet of multi-colored flowers in their hands. I like strolling in stationery stores, reading the funny and sentimental cards as I chose which one to buy. The holiday, in aggregate, I enjoy. Watching people take a little time to recognize those important in their lives.

Home Alone

As I mentioned in my last post, Dan is away for working in South Africa. Suddenly our cozy, slightly crowded apartment seems quiet and unnaturally spacious. There is no sounds of sports television shows reporting on the latest scores or scandals, and no need to put four pieces of bread in the toaster each morning: two will suffice now. I haven't lived alone since my Japan days, where I had a one-bedroom inches away from the heart of downtown smalltown. I liked living alone then. I could get up in the morning, do some yoga or stretches, eat a bowl of imported cereal while catching up on the online version of the Washington Post. After work, I could relax, make dinner for myself, watch DVDs on my computer or cuddle up with a good book. Friends were in my apartment complex, so there was usually someone to talk to. But it did get lonely at times. Being abroad itself was isolating at times, and not having someone to share your day and your meals with was sometimes hard. Living alone in DC is of course not as hard--friends to talk to, work constantly keeping me busy, dinners a bit more make-shift but still substantial. I've delved into the DVD of the second season of How I Met Your Mother, enjoying the 20-minute episodes after a long day of work. But I miss the sports shows.

So Much to Write, So Little Space

I realize I haven't written in a while, and really, it's because there is so much to say. So many topics to uncover and blog about. It's hard to pick just one. The invitations have been ordered, their quasi modern design (a square invitation, rather than a rectangle...postage is more expensive, but you pay for modernity) being created as I type. The hotel for our guests has been selected, rates negotiated, and contract completed. All we need are some guests now. The new band has been found, listened to, and signed with. The honeymoon plans are on hold until my world traveling fiancee comes back from South Africa, and we can put the frequent flier miles he's amassed toward our Croatian adventure. My veil has arrived, and now I wait anxiously for my dress to come in. I still need shoes, a hair style, and a make-up artist. There's more that's been checked off, and more that's left to do. I find myself feeling a range of emotions: excited, tired, curious, happy. Sometimes I look forward to being finished with the wedding planning process, and sometimes I think I'll miss it. I wonder what I'll do next...what project. And, even as the wedding pieces come together, I still can't imagine what picture they'll produce come actual wedding day.

The Last Adventure?

As a kid, I loved roller coasters. The amusement park rides that just spun around and around made me dizzy, but I would wait in the roller coaster's hour-long line without question. The slow, anticipation filled-ride up the first hill of the roller coaster was followed by an immediate downhill spiral, and then a series of up and down, left and right moves. I would off the ride, exhausted by exhilarated, my hair disheveled, my stare wide-eyed, and my smile deep and profound. That adventurous spirit never left me, as I travelled to Ecuador as a teenager, Prague as an undergrad, and Japan for two years post-college. But on the brink of marriage and my 30s debut (the big 3-0 is 13 months away and I am already painfully aware), I know that some adventures might stop. I'm more cognizant of consequences, more tied down to the daily routine of writing my articles at work and going to the gym, or out to drinks with a friend, afterwards. But lately I've been thinking that marriage is not my last adventure--it could be my biggest. Full of excitement, surprises, challenges sure, but also rewards. As I prepare for this new phase of my life, I am looking back to my previous adventures to remember how much happiness I got from them.

The Wedding of my Dreams

I swear, I think the wedding is beginning to affect me more while I am asleep than awake. Last night I was again deep in what can only be described as A REALLY WEIRD dream. Instead of the DC wedding I have been planning, our wedding was in Croatia (our honeymoon locale), but to get there, my parents, Dan, and I flew to Yugoslavia, where we stayed at the house of a couple we found on craigslist. It was in the middle of the worst rain storm ever, and so the couple (who were very trendy and arte noveau, and had an adorable eight-year-old daughter) decided they would drive us to a train station to get to Croatia for the ceremony. They took us in their car, where we feared for our life and I worried that we wouldn't make the train to Croatia, and Dan and I would return to the US, unmarried. Turns out we would return unwed, because we kept calling and calling our Croatian wedding venue, but couldn't get through. We eventually all assumed they were closed because of the terrible, terrible rainfall. And so, sadly, we gave up on marriage and drove to West Virginia. (Apparently you can drive from Yugoslavia to West Virginia). I was pressuring everyone for us to just go to the first wedding chapel we could find, although I am not sure how it ended because I had to get up for work. I have nothing else to say.

The End of the Blog? Or Not?

So, even though my wedding is more than four months away, I've already started thinking about the life of this blog post-marriage. I won't be a mindful bride anymore. I won't be looking over invitation fonts and deciding what to do with my hair (my latest concern...thoughts?). Could the blog keep going as it is, should it be stopped, or can I transform it somehow? Thinking about the end of mindfulbride then got me thinking about the end of wedding planning! My initial thought is relief--I'll be married, the process will be over, I'll have SO MUCH more free time! But of course there is the feeling of sadness too, that the wedding and all of its associated excitement is over. I remember when I ran the 10-mile cherry blossom race a few years back. I trained, I mapped out my training schedule on an excel spreadsheet (Ok, fine, Dan did that, complete with color codes), I went to bed early before my runs, I loaded on carbs and hydrated like crazy. When I ran the race, it was awesome! It was a perfect spring day, and I was pumped on adrenaline. Dan, who hadn't really been training, decided to accompany me at the last minute. It was an incredible, incredible time. But then it was over, and I wasn't sure what to do. I don't even remember if I did anything in particular to get out of my post-race phase; getting used to life post-race must have happened so gradually and gracefully I didn't even notice it.

A Piece of Floridian Bliss

This weekend, I was Internet free as I travelled from chilly DC to warm, sunny Florida. Dan and I surprised my grandparents with a visit, caught up with my aunt and uncle (who knew beforehand about our trip), laid on a beach chair while munching on vanilla fudge, and chilled out. We looked at photo albums, read magazines, and chatted over breakfast. The weekend ended with an early morning flight back to the frigid Washington weather. But when the plane landed and I sleepily made sure I had all my bags, I felt like I re-entered reality. Back to the wedding planning and work and cooking dinner (In Florida, there are plenty of other chefs to whip up delicious vegetarian concoctions). But the weekend rejuvenated me. The road ahead continues to twist--with more wedding tasks to check off, more creative thinking to do--and slowly the end comes closer into sight. I enjoy the path, but every now and then it's so nice and healthy and refreshing to step off it for a second, feel the comfort the people close to you, and embrace the warmth of the Florida sun. When you get back on the road, you feel more relaxed and ready to move forward.

A Steelers Fan...For Now

A benefit (albeit a side one) of finding a life partner is that when your sports team falls to 8-8 after an amazing first half of the season (by Redskins standards anyway) and misses the playoff is that you can cheer for your significant other's team. And right now, I am rooting for the Steelers to beat the Cardinals in Tampa. In a way, I'm diversifying my allegiances similar to investors advise you to diversify your funds. Some people will disagree with me: They're cheer-for-one-team kind of people. And so am I...until my team is out and rooting for another won't feel like cheating. So I watched as the Steelers brutally took on the Ravens, while the Pittsburgh fans waved their yellow terrible towels, and I began learning the names and positions of the Stealers players (Hines Ward is a wide receiver, right)? It may sound contradictary to my more mellow personality, but I love cheering for football. And so, as the Super Bowl nears, I'll be a converted and temporary Steelers fan. Are you too? Vote on my new poll at right!!!

Who's Afraid of Change?

In case you were enclosed in a giant hole for the last 18 months, the U.S. Presidential inauguration was yesterday. With the day off work, Dan and I and two friends walked from our apartment to the Washington Monument, where we were greeted by more than a million people cheering, crying, weeping, and celebrating. It was freezing, but amazing. We couldn't see Obama in person, but watched him on the Jumbo Tron. The crowd was captivating. The sea of people embracing change, a new President with a new vision. I've talked before about my fears of change, my concern over the unknown, as the wedding day and marriage approach. But being there yesterday was an extremely powerful reminder of how good change can be. As the country moves forward with our first African American President, I can only hope about how many joys 2009 will bring, in so many ways.

Dreaming of June

It's freezing here in DC.  My 25-minute on foot commute to work yesterday was torture! When I arrived, my cheeks with flushed a deep cherry red, my eyes were watery from the bitter wind, and my hands were one step away from numb (No, I've never been a cold weather person). I stayed inside all day, and even put off leaving work and entering the tundra again, but at least I turned off my computer, packed my bags, and prepared for my exit. As I walked to the gym for a pre-weekend workout, I HAD to think about something else. And so my mind turned to June. The warm weather, the gentle breeze instead of the bracing wind, the sunshine rather than ominous clouds. And, of course, the wedding day. The day that's been on my mind for about eight months now. I still can't picture it. But as I check things off, I get more and more excited about the day. And not only the fact that it will be in the warm weather month of June, although that certainly helps. But the day itself. Sure, there's lots more to do and plan and think about, but right now, I am just excited with the anticipation of it all. In the bitter January cold, the promise of a wedding weekend four and a half months away made the walk home more bearable. 

Time, Time, and More Time

Planning a wedding takes time. Sure, you're thinking, way to overstate the obvious. But it REALLY does. The last few weeks especially have been dominated by securing the cupcake vendor, refining our wedding Web site, and figuring out the invitations. In conversations with family, friends, colleagues, people I randomly meet on the street or in the doctor's office, the wedding comes up. Sometimes it's exhausting to always be thinking about the event. To always have something to do for it. With the wedding beginning to dominate my life, I find it more important to enjoy the process. Relish tasting the red velvet cupcakes topped with a decadent cream cheese icing. Smile as I work on www.themonkeyswedding.com, writing up the narratives of our attendants and posting pictures. Feel the sense of satisfaction when I can check something off the to-do list. But I know I can't ONLY think about the wedding. That will drive me insane. In the coldness of winter, I find going to the gym and walking briskly on the treadmill, while watching the news or a light sitcom, really invigorating. Or going to a gentle yoga class, where I can stretch my body and try to forget about the world around me. Forget about the checklists, the flowers, the wedding food, and just be.

The Artist's Way

As a child, I loved to draw and paint. A favorite picture of me is as a three-year old, with crayons of assorted colors placed between my toes, smiling happily. I took drawing and art classes until middle school, when academics, sports, and a burgeoning social life pushed art to the back burner a bit. I never really returned to art. In high school, I began to channel my creative energies into the written word, trying to build pictures and images with letters and sentences. And I DO love writing, obviously; I wouldn't be a writer by day and a blogger by night if I didn't. But as the wedding process gets more into the weeds--right now we just signed off on a cupcake vendor and are working with them to create a decorative dessert, we are revamping our Web site with additional words and images (check out the new and improved www.themonkeyswedding.com), and are in the midst of designing our wedding invitation. It's overwhelming at times, but really fun. I know that these details are not completely related to the marriage itself...having a multi-tiered cupcake spread doesn't ensure happily ever after. But it's fun to be artistic, to proverbially roll up your sleeves and get down and dirty making the wedding details pretty and uniquely your own.

Letting the World Know!

This week was big in respect to our wedding communication strategy. On Monday, my mom and I had our first meeting with an invitions vendor, where we pored through around 10 thick books of sample invitations. "Ignore the font and color, just focus on the size, shape, and thickness of paper," she advised. We left with a few favorites in hand. During this encounter, I also learned a bit about my own styles. I always felt I was somewhere between traditional and contemporary when it came to wedding design. Nothing too old-fashioned, but nothing too modern and avant garde either. Turns out I am a total comtemporary. I veered toward the boxy (as opposed to rectangular) invitations, text at the bottom half of the page (instead of written across the whole invitation), and shied away from the traditional and classy double-envelope. Who knew? Apparently the invitation vendor. My wrap-around gray cardigan, and my interesting camisole were definite tip-offs, she assured me.
The wedding that I've been talking about with Dan, my parents, and his parents will soon be in people's mailboxes!

The Countdown Begins

Happy New Year! We celebrated at the Rocket Bar in Chinatown, where I renewed my childhood love of skiball, and played a few rounds of shuffleboard. The clock ticked down toward midnight. The TV was tuned to the ball about to drop in Times Square, and the crowd gathered around beginning the countdown. Soon the ball was released, everyone was shouting "3, 2, 1." Suddenly yells of "Happy New Year" pierced the air, and people began hugging and kissing each other. I took a sip of the cheap beer that was included in my $5 cover charge, and thought "Whoa, it's really 2009." Even though the countdown to the new year had ended with bursts of cheers, the ticking down to our wedding and marriage has really intensified. We're now in the same year of our wedding. I met 2009 with a mix of emotions. There's the pure excitement: By the end of this year, I'll be married! There's the concern: Will everything fall into place before June? There's the nostalgia: This is the last few months of single life. There's the wedding picture still fuzzy: What will our wedding really be like? What will marriage be like? I guess there's only one way to find out: write an "X" on days on the calendar as they pass, slowly count the months, the minutes to the wedding, and see how everything unfolds.